Cold Cuts, Affairs and Anniversary Reactions

 

With today being 9/11, it’s a good time for talking about anniversary reactions. Anytime significant dates come around, there’s a possibility of anniversary reactions.

In my own case, 9/11 was tragic and shocking enough. Things took an even more twisted path when on the first anniversary of 9/11, my wife and I were served with legal papers. Our emotions were raw enough on that day. Being served papers that you are being sued by a parent was another huge blow.

It felt like I was kicked in the gut. I was left stunned and in disbelief of what just happened. That day started a whole series of events that rocked my world.

I recall the line from the Star Trek movie stating “Revenge is a dish best served cold”. That day, I was served an icy attack. Being served legal papers by a family member you trusted is an extra frigid act.

For several years, there were reactions. Thoughts came in my head and feelings in my heart that I didn’t want to consider. It’s like a an unwelcome side of me arrives for an unannounced visit.

Although the reactions have faded over time, that date still stirs up deep emotions inside me. Since I know what’s going on, I prepare myself for those reactions.

Affairs trigger anniversary reactions as well. During those times, giving into the dark side of your thoughts and emotions is tempting. You can tell your mind that they are nothing, but your body knows better.

You may even have sudden changes in your mood along with greater irritability. Telling yourself that you should be past that only makes the hurt worse. Being surrounded by friends telling you that should be past it has a way of throwing guilt on top of all the other feelings.

Those sensations are not going to go away with a few admonitions and affirmations. You need stronger help. Booze and drugs will numb you out and push the sensations further down inside of you.

There is a better solution. The video “Overcoming Affair Trauma” guides you in self-soothing. The more you practice the techniques presented, the more effective your self-soothing becomes.

Anniversary reactions don’t have to spoil your day. There are reasons for you feeling that way and ways of moving past it.

Keeping It Real,

Jeff

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5 Responses

  1. Truth! Anniversary brings many negative thoughts. Not only how she trashed her marriage but some of the things she pulled on that date. On a weekend trip to the beach for number 22, she decides to sort of confess to text etc about a boyfriend. Then Christmas Day now know as DDay! I no longer celebrate anniversary. Maybe if things level out and change, will pick a new date. Can never fix or change the current one.

    1. Anonymous,

      Thank you for writing. Anniversaries bring up many feelings, both good and bad. It churns your mind and heart along with making you vulnerable on those days. What should be your sensitivity to good things gets turned around and used against you. The wounds go deeper and the hurt aches more on anniversaries.

      I understand you no longer celebrating your anniversary. Your idea of considering a new date is good. If the two of you ever renew your vows, that could be the new date. Affairs turn holidays into hell-y-days.

      Jeff

  2. Definitely hell-y-days! Have not figured out how to fix Christmas yet. On our way to show family our new home that was being built, I discovered a text app with very graphic text. On Christmas Day! Turns out it was a four year friend with benefits and he was 15 years younger. Along with ex boyfriend and 5 plus other guys. Actually physical with the rest is unknown but I think she meets the label “serial”?

    1. Anonymous,

      Holiday traditions can be changed. Typically when you do something three years in a row, a new tradition is considered established.

      Serial cheating always concerns me. In my mind, the ‘sexual addiction’ flag goes up when I hear about serial affair.

      Jeff

  3. Well in my opinion. For what it is worth. I don’t think it is a sexual addiction. Attention seeking to the nth degree. One never knows for sure. But I do believe there was a whole lot of long distance flirting with a whole lot of anybody who wanted to get in her pants. One is a for sure. Two is a high probability. And gut tells me a third. I’m not even sure how one defines serial cheater? She was madly in love with ex bf, having sex with 20ish. And texting a solid 10 others.

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