Cleaning Up After the Affair Storm

One of the things I enjoy about psychology is how there are always new things to learn. I thought I had mastered my own triggers from past traumas and then find myself surprised at new ones being activated.

The images of the massive flooding in Texas brought back memories of when I went through a similar experience. I felt sad for them, and empathized with their plight.

What caught me off guard were the reactions I experienced on seeing the mounds of damaged household goods lining the sides of the streets. That image triggered strong reactions, to the point where the smells, sensations and irritability I experienced returned.

I had no idea one image could trigger such a reaction.

Having been a victim of Hurricane Ike, for a moment, the whole episode returned. The smells, humidity, grime  and weariness of the experience came back with HD intensity.

Trip after trip into our home, hauling out damaged and ruined keepsakes to the street.

Everything was covered with a fine film of smelly filth. Even when the day is over, the smell and feel got into our clothing and shoes.

I recall looking out the mounds on the sides of the street. Memories taken out with the garbage.

Trauma reactions are funny that way. You think you are over an experience and then some smell or image suddenly triggers reactions.

With affairs, it may be a song, a color of lipstick or even cologne that brings it all back. Yes, all those sensations remained stored in your brain. You thought they were locked away until a trigger pushes the control button and releases them.

All those hopes for your marriage and life taken out to the street with the affair garbage. Affairs have ways of staining and soiling everything they touch.

If you are like me, you thought you had put the negative experience behind you. It remained dormant for years and then in a matter of seconds, it surrounds you again.

The triggers change over time. This is why it’s so important for changing playgrounds, playmates and play pretties in recovery from the affair. Those changes are needed for you and the cheater.

Half-hearted efforts at changing along with incomplete affair recovery lead to reactions being buried rather than resolved.

If you continue struggling with trauma reactions, the video, “Overcoming Affair Trauma” guides you in getting past those reactions and getting back to your old self.

Best Regards,

Jeff

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