The other day I received a phone call from a desperate husband. He was heart-broken over his wife’s recent affair.
An authority figure in their lives who he never viewed as a threat has now become one. His wife bring distraught, sought the authority’s counsel. On meeting with him one thing led to another, turning into an affair.
With him being an older man, she assumed he had wise counsel. Instead, the old man turned into a dirty old man encounter.
Instead of being counsel with Gandalf, its’ an encounter with someone who turns into someone akin to The Who’s ‘Uncle Ernie’.
This scenario happens all too frequently in ministry circles. Someone comes for help to an authority figure. They come with innocent intentions. As they open up and begin talking, the room becomes energized with emotion.
With a few comforting gestures and comments, the situation spins out of control.
Between the emotional vulnerability, unmet needs, excitement of discussing sexual issues and transference issues, it’s more than they can handle. The closeness turns sexual.
Two of them alone, with each of them having unmet needs is expecting too much.
What started as one person seeking help and comfort becomes something bigger than anyone imagined. This is not an affair filled with evil intent. It’s an affair situation where seeking emotional comfort turned into something else.
This is the scenario which sinks countless ministers. They want to help, yet the strong emotions take over and comfort turns sexual.
The mixture of their needs and those of the person in need contributes to a ‘perfect storm’ carrying both of them further than they intended going.
When this happens, it’s too late for the marriage enrichment or weekend marriage retreats. The time for prevention is long past. When this happens, your marriage needs serious help.
When such an affair happens, dealing with it becomes a priority. The affairs turns into a barrier keeping the two of you apart. improving the closeness without dealing with the wall between you two only leads to further frustrations.
What’s needed is affair recovery. The downloadable, “Affair Recovery Workshop” guides the two of you in addressing the affair along with the unmet needs both of you experience. Delaying dealing with the situation only allows further resentment to fester and the two of you drift further apart.
Best Regards,
Jeff
