Blaming and affairs often go together like peanut butter and jelly. When an affair happens to you, a common reaction is identifying who to blame.
I recognize that desire of identifying the culprit behind affairs. I even found myself wanting to know who to blame for the rash of affairs in contemporary society. The Southern Baptist side of me shouts out “Satan!”. That answer plays well in church, yet the behavioral scientist side of me wants a better answer.
Like you, I want to know who started this out of control affair mania. Although it’s easy blaming Hollywood, or porn peddlers like Larry Flynt, Hugh Hefner and others, the answer lies deeper.
Flynt, Heffner and others were money-making tools rather than the source of the problem. At this point in my research, the current problem with affairs largely goes back to the ideas promoted by the radical thinker, Max Horkheimer.
Yes, the blame for many affairs and rash of non-procreative eros in today’s society can be attributed to Max. Max’s ideas have led to intentional attacks on the family and traditional marriage. The main way of breaking down families is through promotion of sex outside of marriage.
Max knew this. He wanted a society that was all play with little to no responsibility. He actively looked for ways of breaking down families and values. His followers became very proficient in breaking down values and families.
Although you can blame Max for your problems, you face an even more important question. After the blaming you always face this question.
The question is “What are you going to do about it?”
Finding who to blame makes it sound like you’ve solved the problem. You found what started the problem, but it’s not a solution. You need a solution to the affair situation. Your family needs solutions, not blame.
Finding who to blame for the affair gives you some mental relief. You identified the source of the problem. Finding the source is not the same as a solution.
You still face, “What are you going to do about it?”
“What are you going to do to fix it?”
You need ways of rebuilding your relationships, your family and your marriage. You needs ways of improving communication and enhancing intimacy. The downloadable ‘Affair Recovery Workshop‘ gives you the tools you need in rebuilding your marriage.
Best Regards,
Jeff
