Mentors have played an important part of my training as a counselor. Each one taught me valuable lessons that have stuck with me. People like Bob Reichlin, Dan Minner and Marlin Lance.
Their approaches often had day and night differences. Despite their differences, each of them contributed to my growth as a counselor.
In the grand scheme of things each mentor brought me important lessons when I needed them. In the recovery, it’s sponsors who act as mentors. Whether you call them mentors, sponsors or coaches, they guide you with their experiences.
One day, Marlin told me “Jeff, you’re a lot further from God than you think you are and it’s going to take longer than you think in getting back.” At the time, I paid little heed to his statement that day, yet over time, it’s proven true.
I found that it definitely took longer getting back to where I needed to be than I thought it would. I made some serious miscalculations.
I thought I was a good person, but I realized even good people slip and that it takes longer than I assumed in getting back. I had ideas how long it should take, but soon discovered I needed to double the length of my time frame expectations.
When it comes to affairs, you may wonder “How long will recovery take?” In response, I don’t know the maximum. I do know that it will take you and the cheater at least 24 months.
The cheater needs an intense focus on recovery the first 24 months. Taking shortcuts only means that recovery is going to take longer. In most cases, whatever length of time you thought it might take, you need to double.
That doubling gives you a ball park figure. It gives you a place to start. That time is needed in order to get their head back on straight and nervous system to recover.
Getting your thinking back to ‘normal’ takes time. It takes longer getting back than it did messing up.
If you or the cheater expect faster results, you’ll benefit from what Marlin Lance told me as well. You start you recovery plan, work it and stay with it.
The video, “Preventing Affair Relapse” guides you in what you need to do and the areas needing attention. Working the affair recovery plan will produce results. The longer you work it, the better results you’ll achieve.
It’s during affair recovery you discover whether the cheater really means all those promises they made to you.
Best Regards,
Jeff
