Several decades ago, in an effort of stopping the abuse of amphetamines, authorities used advertising in their war against drugs. One of the messages they took to the public was “speed kills!”
The simple message resonated with the population. It was simple, people understood it and it stuck in their minds. Although the message was catchy, it didn’t stop the drug problem.
Although the ad campaign is long gone, the ‘speed kills’ mantra stayed around. It was used for drugs and for traffic safety both.
If it was up to me, I’d make some adjustments for today’s marriages. My own version would be “perfectionism kills!”
Perfectionism has ruined many marriages. Those it hasn’t killed, it has managed choking the enjoyment out of. Like a drug problem, many couples got hooked on the idea that you have to be perfect or have the perfect marriage to be loved.
If you’ve fallen prey to it, you thought that perfection would save your marriage or at least reduce the risk of an affair. Perfection doesn’t protect your marriage. If anything, it puts it at higher risk.
When one or both of you hold to the idea of perfection, there’s no room for being human. There’s no room for mistakes. There’s no being real. Marriage becomes a performance.
Perfectionism also brings with it extreme thinking. You are either all perfect or you’re a failure. It’s an all or none deal.
Perfectionism operates like a mental poison, making your relationship toxic. You go through the motions without a heart for each other. There’s no room for spontaneity, only perfection.
Your marriage focus is on being perfect with each other rather than being real or being loved. This is why perfect marriages are more at risk of affairs than the imperfect ones.
Perfectionism doesn’t allow for mistakes. There is no room for errors or mistakes.
Recovery is another area where perfectionism can ruin things as well. Recovery from an affair has ups and downs. Recovery is not a straight smooth road. Here again, “Perfectionism kills!”
If you are wanting recovery from the affair as well as perfectionism, you need the video “Overcoming Affair Relapse“. The video guides you through the triggers, setbacks and challenges you face with affair recovery.
Affair recovery is a day by day adventure. Some days go smooth, some are rocky and NONE are perfect. What’s important is that you start recovery rather than waiting on perfection or giving up because you aren’t perfect.
Best Regards,
Jeff
