An unexpected email came in from a husband in desperation. He’s begun working on improving himself and wanted me to help get his wife into counseling with him.
His plea for help was one of him willing to do ‘anything‘. When I hear such pleas, I wonder ‘How far they are willing to go?’
A couple I once worked with comes to mind.They were in the middle of marriage problems, with her having several affairs.
The husband went so far as to babysit their children while the wife went on a date with another man. At the time she was testing him in the most severe manner in order to see if he really loved her. Was he really willing to do anything?
The couple eventually worked through their issues and were happily married at last report.
I wonder if the writer is willing to go that far? Claiming you are willing to do ‘anything’ can come true.
Tough challenges like this often mean tough choices. The man has to choose whether it’s more important to improve himself or get his wife back.
I’m sure she’ll test him to find out what his real motivation is. The choice between making improvement versus getting your spouse back is one I don’t wish on anyone.
Hurt spouses know when you are just going through the motions and acting like you’re changing. They want to know where your heart is truly at.
This is why following through with working on yourself is so important. Stopping the improvement work when things start looking better is a major mistake. That amounts to giving into the emotions before there have been deep heart changes.
In the downloadable “Affair Recovery Workshop” I start off dealing with these kinds of issues. Had the reader gone through the workshop, he would have saved himself some desperation and heartache.
It’s so important to get your heart right before relationship rebuilding. Reconnecting with your spouse before making those changes only reconnects you with a lot of hurts.
Best Regards,
Jeff
2 Responses
Well what I didn’t know was I was babysitting kids while she was out! What I didn’t know was we had an open marriage. Would I ever knowingly babysit while she was on a date? No!!!
Anonymous,
Thank you for sharing. I shared the story in illustrating how extreme situations can get. The husband said he would do ‘anything’ and the wife tested him in a major way. I don’t advocate going to such extremes. I thought it might wake some people up to how far ‘anything’ may take you. She tested him and, he passed ( I may go into more details in a future post about that).
Best Regards,
Jeff