Is your main focus Affair recovery or perfection?

Perfectionists make me nervous. I had a family member who was a perfectionist. Anytime I visited her home, I felt as if I were under inspection and visiting a museum at the same time.

Everything in her home was pristine, from the white carpet to the various dust-free objects on display. I don’t recall her ever saying “make yourself at home”.

I liked her, yet visiting her was more akin to an examination than visitation. In her home, everything had a place which was tagged and organized.

In such surroundings, everything is tense and follows proper protocol. There was no room to be human or make mistakes.

This brings me to affair recovery. I know you want recovery. In seeking it, ‘Is your main focus recovery or perfection?

If you’re expecting perfection for yourself or the cheater, you’re in for disappointments and tense relations. Recovery from an affair is messy. It also won’t go exactly like the books say it will.

Real life has many steps both forward and backwards. Progress for real couples is filled with ups and downs.

There will be good days, bad days and mediocre days. There will be mistakes and misunderstandings for you to consider. Your spouse may not be perfect, yet they are making efforts at improving.

I raise this question because many spouses expect perfection from the cheater. The cheater feels the performance anxiety in such cases. That anxiety brings more tension into your home.

Living with a perfectionist leaves little room for people being human.

This kind of expectation leads to the behavior becoming more important than the attitude. If the cheater is doing all the right things in terms of observable behavior, all is well.

What’s really important is their attitude and thinking. These determine what happens more than perfectly following behavioral prescriptions. It’s also important for recovery that you accept your spouse, even when they’re less than perfect.

In the downloadable “Affair Recovery Workshop“, you’ll learn ways of opening up your communication and bypassing their defenses without the pressure that comes with expecting perfection. In the workshop, one of the topics addressed is expectations and how they impact your marriage.

When your focus is on recovery, both of you can feel better about your marriage and the direction you all are headed.

Best Regards,

Jeff

 

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