Have you ever ridden in a car driven by someone you barely knew? In high school I often took rides with people I only knew as acquaintances. Most of the time, things went well. One time, the only person who could take me where I needed to go was with Mike.
I had no other options, so I took a ride with Mike.
Halfway through the trip, Mike turned to me and said ‘watch this.’ Comments like that warn you that something shocking is coming. He saw someone walking on the sidewalk beside a chain link fence near a huge puddle of water.
He swerved his car toward the puddle. I saw water on the windshield and hear the sound of someone scrambling over a chain link fence. He laughed at his stunt. It told me that I needed to find some better rides.
One of the lessons I learned from that episode is that I didn’t want to take a long term trip with Mike. His stunt made me leery to trust him. Although I didn’t trust Mike’s driving, I still needed rides.
I found another ride with Ricky. Riding with Ricky was not a wild adventure. Over time, after several rides, we became friends with each other. The more time we spent to together, the more we enjoyed each other’s company.
Even now, decades after high school, I still have good relations with Ricky.
Although the Mike episode left me leery, my experiences with Ricky taught me that you start liking people, the more time you spend with them. Although Mike and Ricky were friends, my experiences with each taught me different lessons.
With affair recovery, you’re only going to start liking the cheater again as you spend more time with them. It’s hard liking someone if you avoid them.
Someone like Mike may have come along and made you leery. You have good reason to be leery. You may have had no other options.
I also know that there is often a Ricky side to people as well. The only way to find that Ricky side is spending time with the cheater and seeing it some out, unless they pull one of those “Watch This!” episodes.
Learning to like the cheater takes an investment of time. Investing time also means taking time to talk with them. It could be that you’ve forgotten what they’re like on the inside. The “30 Days to a Better Marriage” program guides you in opening up communication with your spouse.
When you get to know them better, you may rediscover what made you love them in the first place.
Best Regards,
Jeff
