Although one of the major traumas in my family happened years ago, one some days those old feelings come back. The good thing is that now things feel safe.
When you don’t feel safe in your own home or family, life is no longer enjoyable. Daily activity becomes an ordeal that you struggle through. I recall being on edge, wondering “What’s going to happen today?”
It wasn’t a good kind of curiosity, it was more like wondering what’s going to go sideways today. I was on guard from attacks on all sides whenever I went home. I dreaded going home, knowing that something was going to happen.
My home was no longer a safe place. It became where I crashed and hung my clothes instead of where I felt safe and secure.
Feeling unsafe in your own home is one of the many consequences that can happen with affairs. When you don’t trust your spouse, sleeping beside them at night is no longer a safe place.
What happened has impacted your body and your brain. You take it personally, even when the cheater claims they didn’t mean to hurt you.
You start questioning what you say and how you say things. It takes all your energy in controlling the drama that goes on around you.
You give up trying to get ahead or rest. Instead, daily life is about keeping your head above water. The problem is that with each day, you lose a little more of your coping abilities.
In the event you endured childhood traumas, you find yourself reliving old feelings that you never wanted to face again. It’s like an emotional nightmare that keeps coming back night after night.
It’s critical that as part of your affair recovery that a place of safety is created. This is important for your own health and that of your marriage.
Although you know the importance of having a place of safety, do you know how to do it or when to do it? Setting up a safe place inadequately or at the wrong time in affair recovery can turn it into an unsafe place all over again.
If you want answers about how and when to go about it, there’s hope. In the download “Affair Recovery Workshop“, you’ll learn about both the how and when of safety.
Your body and mind only heal and recover when they feel safe. Each day you spent just surviving depletes yourself a little more and gets you sicker. Each day you choose not to act is another day you spend headed toward a break-down.
My healing began when I felt safe again. There are ways of creating places of safety. They don’t just come along, you have to create them. When you are ready to change, healing starts when you are safe.
Best Regards,
Jeff
