Even though you want to get better one of the realities you have to overcome is resistance. This is a law both of relationships and physics.
Resistance is that force that works at keeping you where you are. It wants to keep the status quo.
In my own life, the struggle of overcoming resistance is one fought and re-fought. I have to overcome resistance to exercise, resistance to writing and resistance to self-improvement on a daily basis.
Sure I want to feel better and do better, yet a part of me fights against those improvements. if you are 'old school' you may have called overcoming resistance 'having self-discipline'. Although I think of it in terms of self-discipline, learning ways of saying no to yourself is not a popular practice.
It's easier floating along with the status quo than it is making changes, even positive changes.
When you are dealing with an affair, the status quo is one of the things keeping your marriage and possibly yourself dysfunctional. Keeping the status quo may be defeating the progress you say you want.
In dealing with affair recovery, one of the things cheaters need is a compelling reason to change. If you don't provide them with a good reason for changing, the odds are it won't happen.
You may have tried guilt or shame in confronting the cheater. Such approaches have limited success.
For lasting results, the cheater needs a 'compelling reason' for change. Change is hard enough. Having motivation in the form of a compelling reason gives them an added push.
In the "Affair Recovery Workshop", I cover what it takes in creating an environment that encourages change. I invite you to find out more.
You may be one of those spouses who wants change, but doesn't know where to start. If so, then the workshop gives you specific steps that guide you in making change. Besides creating an environment conducive to change, you'll learn what areas bring the greatest amount of change.
Just having your spouse back at home is not enough. You need them and their heart back with you. There are ways of helping that along that you'll discover in the workshop.
Change is possible. When you know what to do and how to do it, positive change happens easier.