One of the lightning rod topics on the Survive Your Partner’s Affair blog is that of narcissism and dealing with it. it’s one of those topics filled with strong reactions and opinions.
A reader posted the comment, “Why on earth would anyone want to go into marriage recovery with a narcissist?” The wiring in the brain of a narcissist can’t be changed. I chose to step away from the burning building. I would advise: Get Out!”
Narcissists are hard to live with. The image of portraying that situation as a burning building is an accurate description. Since narcissists trigger strong reactions, I understand her strong response.
With some situations, taking a cutting your losses and leaving response makes sense. When your personal safety is a concern, leaving a bad situation is a good solution.
Although I agree with her description, the science behind human behavior is that brains can change. Even the brain of a narcissist can change.
Although change is possible, that doesn’t mean it’s quick or easy. There’s no quick fix when it comes to handling narcissistic spouses.
With a narcissist, you have to consider whether if their narcissistic condition falls into the “in sickness and in health” part of your marriage vows. When you married them, did your promise have conditions on it?
In other cases, you really do love them and want to make things work. Although you want things to work in your marriage, yet you’re not sure how to make that happen.
Dealing with narcissism is uncomfortable. It’s uncomfortable staying with them and uncomfortable looking at your options.
One of the areas needing help when living with a narcissist is that of trust. This is where the trust formula I present in the video “How Can I Trust You Again?” comes in.
Two of the four ingredients are commitment and time. With a narcissist, they and you both need commitment and time in order to make things work. When you have both, there is consistency that can be counted on.
Attempting recovery without both is asking for trouble.
Best Regards,
Jeff
