One of the topics I cover in the "Affair Recovery Workshop" is that of boundaries and their importance. When the topic of boundaries comes up, images of fences and putting limits on behaviors is typically what comes up.
The other aspect of boundaries includes what you should be allowed to be a part of. Boundaries are not only about what you don't allow, they also include what you should be a part of.
Consider for example you being a part of when the cheater tells your children about what they did. I view you being there as part of having healthy boundaries.
Having healthy boundaries also includes insisting on replacing any bedding that the cheater was unfaithful on. Although things like bedding is not typically considered a boundary issue, when there's been an affair, things like bedding become important.
Healthy boundaries are an important part of affair recovery. You are not being 'over the top' by insisting on being there when your spouse talks to the kids or wanting new bedding or a new car after the cheater did what they did in them.
You want to feel safe. Having healthy boundaries allows you to establish safety and create a healing environment. A healing environment includes items such as these.
Setting healthy boundaries is not a one-time thing. Setting healthy boundaries is an on-going processes as you maintain them after setting them.
If you are unsure of where to start setting boundaries or need encouragement in setting them, you'd benefit from the "Affair Recovery Workshop" download. Boundaries are essential in creating an atmosphere of safety needed in recovery.