One of the comedians I often enjoyed was George Carlin. In one of his routines he pointed out the logical inconsistencies of many terms used on a daily basis.
The one that sticks out in my mind was “Jumbo shrimp”. As he pointed this out, it was accompanied by hand gestures and verbal exaggerations.
The positioning of a word indicating large with a word indicating a small size always stuck in my mind. Comedians point out inconsistencies. Those inconsistencies and the tensions they contain are the source of many comedy routines.
Yesterday, I encountered one of those logical inconsistencies. A man in his effort to ‘motivate’ his woman, used the term ‘real lifestyle girl’.
He pointed out how she wasn’t doing what he wanted her to do. If she was a ‘real lifestyle girl’ she would have done it. Whenever a spouse resorts to “If you were a real…” you know it’s a manipulative put-down, especially when the emphasis is put on ‘real’.
His use of the term struck me as inconsistent, given that the lifestyle (aka swingers) is driven by make-believe. The role of dress up and ‘putting on a persona’ is one of the big draws that hook couples into swinging.
The events allow them a break from routine jobs and roles. They can act like someone else and be with someone else for a brief time.
Had he been ‘real’, he would have committed to his relationship and not been interested in women that weren’t his. Had he been real, he’d show concern for his wife’s feelings and care for her and her alone.
Being ‘real’ actually includes honesty, along with being aware and connected in a relationship. When I talk with my wife about being real, it sure doesn’t include dress-up and acting like someone I’m not.
Then there’s the paradox of wanting women, yet calling them girls, but I’ll leave that for another day.
Ridiculing her is not building her up. Instead of being an encouragement, it is a de-motivator. The ‘lifestyle’ has many paradoxes built into its fiber. I suppose those paradoxes become a way of life that taints every corner of your thinking.
If you’ve gotten stuck in the lifestyle and are looking for options, you can change. In the video “Relationship Trauma for Swingers“, I deal with this issue and the unique challenges associated with the lifestlye.
Best Regards,
Jeff
