Yesterday I shared with you my introduction to the term ‘hot wife’. Coming across the modern working definition startled me.
Although I’ve written about the lifestyle and the language they use, the term ‘hot wife’ is one of the terms having multi-level meanings. The wild, modern urban version refers to a wife that has sexual freedoms with the husband’s approval.
Historically, the cuckold is the butt of jokes, but in modern culture, that role has been elevated to desirous. I’m not sure if its a reversal or twisting of values. What I do know is that such behavior runs counter to healthy marriages.
Even though I’d encountered the term before, my initial assumption was that it was used descriptively rather than as a separate role category. This phenomena is more in the news, most notably with married teachers sleeping with teen students.
So when you hear someone talking about how they have a ‘hot wife’, you’ll want clarification on which definition they are using. They may be talking about something very different than what you assumed.
The wild definition puts your spouse outside of traditional husband and wife roles. When one spouse goes extreme in their behavior there will be reactions.
Some husbands have responded to this by abandoning their roles as seen in the MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) movement. Another reaction is husbands going knee deep into sexual addictive behaviors.
Both extreme reactions to the hot wife have problems. Both reactions focus on the sex, rather than the root issues of having a warped view of love. Neither solution takes steps that improve or change the marriage relationship.
I’ve often told couples that the opposite of love is not hate, but control. The hot wife phenomena and reactions each have control issues involved. They reveal that many of you are operating under some distorted views of love.
Getting out of this cycle of behavior requires some radical changes in your relationship and the roles each of you have. Most couples rarely if ever discuss their roles with each other.
This is why I included sections on talking about your roles and relationship along with ways of bringing up those discussions in the “Affair Recovery Workshop“. All the talk that the two of you do needs action in order to make the changes happen.
You don’t have to be stuck in no-win, desperate situations.
Best Regards,
Jeff
