Do healthy marriage relationships require effort?

Valentine’s Day is almost here. Every year, on that day, the spotlight of attention is put on relationships.

It’s a good idea to given encouragement to your relationships. A few loving and encouraging words go a long way. Valentine’s Day gives you an opportunity for expressing encouragement and love.

With relationships being in the spotlight, I find myself facing a challenging question. That question is ‘Are relationships easy or hard?

One affair ‘expert’ claims “Love is natural. It just is. No need to ‘work at it’“. I contrast this with a letter received from a reader who said regarding their relationship “We are working harder than before.”

So, is a loving relationship something that ‘just is’ or do you have to work at it?

I believe relationships requires work. Loving others, including your spouse when they are at their most unlovable moments requires effort.

I’ll grant you that I don’t mind the effort, and don’t consider it a struggle, yet that doesn’t mean my love “just is”.

Relationships require honesty. Reaching that honesty requires creating an atmosphere of safety along with being vulnerable and taking risks. There are times I wrestle with identifying what I feel and finding ways of expressing it.

There are times when the selfish side of me resists sharing and making time for others. In my mind, true love always requires sacrificial giving at some level. With persons I love, I don’t mind making such sacrifices.

Those sacrifices consists of me putting them ahead of my own selfish interests. Even Scripture mentions how husbands and wives focus on the needs and wants of each other.

For me, concentrating my focus on the needs of my wife requires effort. So, if Scripture points out that effort is required in marriage relationships, who am I to argue?

I also find that discerning when and where boundaries are needed in relationships requires effort as well. It’s work figuring such things out, along with the best way of approaching the sensitive issue needing the boundary.

I also know that any work you invest in your relationship pays big dividends. Time spent improving relationships is never wasted.

It would be nice if you had a great marriage relationship without effort. Given that we invest our time and money in what’s important for us, a marriage without effort raises questions about how much it’s valued.

If you want more from your marriage relationship, you may want to consider the “30 Days to a Better Marriage” program, which guides you in turning your marriage around.

Best Regards,

Jeff

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3 Responses

  1. When you think of how much time, effort and resources are poured into the process of violating a marriage and a spouse and children as people are lured into following their desires it’s just such a waste!

    How much love and appreciation would augment the love the same person would experience if they would apply that same effort into focus and appreciation of their spouse!

    Same type of effort applied to learning to understand the love of God as demonstrated by way of His giving all on the cross to pay in full the debt none could pay…being lost and without hope as born in the image of fallen Adam!

    We live in this “present evil world ” as scripture warns AND supplies for us how to live so that we may avoid. being deceived into taking steps by the lust and feelings that lead to further disatisfaction with what we have that develops in relationships out of not appreciating the things we enjoy due to mercy that we have what we need and more in Christ

    The command of God ” in everything give thanks for this is the will of God concerning you.

    The present day to celebrate romantic love is not without good intention to confirm love for our loved ones but we would do well to celebrate the love of God daily and confirm to our closest loved one our fidelity and appreciation

    Sadly too many don’t want to apply effort to their marriage and family but run to persuit of someone who has no right into that jurisdiction and who will also suffer loss …even if they “win” the stolen goods from a married person

    Some won’t even consider the way damage to themselves results from infidelity as well as causing pain and loss to everyone that knows them

    Like a pebble cast into a serene pond the ripples extend far beyond the view of the ones that enjoy the sin for a season but reap the bitter fruit of it for many years to come

    💑

    1. Zaza,

      You are right, the amount of treasure thrown into an affair adds up. The latest figure I saw was $2644 or about $444 a month. That’s a decent car payment. That figure is only the financial piece. It doesn’t include private investigators, court costs or work lost or child custody costs. It also doesn’t include emotional costs or spiritual costs.

      Investing the same time, money and effort into your spouse pays much better returns.

      Your comment, “We live in this “present evil world ” as scripture warns AND supplies for us how to live so that we may avoid. being deceived into taking steps by the lust and feelings that lead to further disatisfaction with what we have that develops in relationships out of not appreciating the things we enjoy due to mercy that we have what we need and more in Christ.

      The command of God ” in everything give thanks for this is the will of God concerning you.

      The present day to celebrate romantic love is not without good intention to confirm love for our loved ones but we would do well to celebrate the love of God daily and confirm to our closest loved one our fidelity and appreciation” is very timely.

      Just earlier today, I was responding to someone who took the attitude “… the best way to approach my life is to truly discover what I want/need/desire, and to act on those things..” Such an attitude is common with many people these days. He and many like him only see romantic and sexual love along with its gratification. Things like fidelity and appreciation are not in their vocabulary, even though they are critical for a successful marriage.

      Love requires effort. Since you enjoy it and the relationship, the effort isn’t a struggle. When there’s love, you don’t keep score. Marriage looks very different when viewed from an eternal perspective rather than a “you only go around once” kind of mindset.

      It’s good hearing from you. I hope you and your girls have a Happy Valentine’s Day!

      Best Regards,

      Jeff

  2. Thank you Jeff…once again you are spot on💃

    Hope your day was full of the Love of God which is multi dimensional 💝

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