My mission at ‘Survive Your Partner’s Affair’ and ‘Restore The Family’, is helping you recover from the pain of an affair. My conviction is “An affair does not have to mean the end of your marriage”. An affair also doesn’t have to ruin your family.
Whether you’re the cheater or the one who was cheated on, you can do things that help or hurt the healing process. We’ve all been wounded in some way, and those wounds can be healed, including the wounds from affairs when handled correctly.
Marriage was designed to be a place of security and healing. When unhealthy thinking and unhealthy behavior creep into your marriage, it changes from a place of healing to a place of wounding. What was meant to heal becomes a place of hurt.
Many of the beautiful things in your life turn ugly when there’s an affair. If you let me, Ill guide you in handling your situation and restoring your family.
You’re not helpless and the situation isn’t hopeless. Your feelings can trick you into believing the situation is worse than it is.
I share experiences from working with hundreds of couples over the years, along with personal insights designed for getting you through your struggle as smoothly as possible.
I believe in marriage, and that an affair does not have to be the end of your marriage.
About Jeff Murrah
As a teenager, I experienced first hand how infidelity devastates families. When my own family experienced a parental affair, it triggered a series of bitter fighting, secrets, and inner turmoil that rippled through the extended family, community and even our local church.
The affair left a scars and hurt along the way. No one who coming in contact with it was untouched in some way.
I saw my family fragment before my eyes and felt helpless in doing anything to stop it. I couldn’t control or stop what was happening.
The joy of that each holiday, birthday, and accomplishment was supposed to bring was quickly poisoned by the ‘hurt that never stops hurting’ in the form of the affair, subsequent divorce and remarriage of my parents.
My journey through the land of affairs took me through episodes involving children’s protective services (CPS), domestic abuse, spying, phone taps, legal fights, the use of informants and secret keeping. I’ve seen how ‘out of control’ things become.
All those experiences made it a scary nightmare where I wondered which parent I’d be living with and guarding everything I said. It felt like navigating a mine field where one false move could blow things up.
I’ve no use for experts who excuse affairs telling you that it’s “just between adults”. I learned first hand that affairs impact MORE, much MORE than just the misbehaving adults involved. The cheaters played while everyone else suffers.
It is not accidental that in going through an affair that you use the metaphor of an nuclear bomb in describing the impact, radioactive fallout and devastation.
The ugly episode continued getting uglier over the years rather than better. At its ugliest, there were threats of murder, illegal drug use and attempted suicides within the family.
What made it worse is that many so-called friends avoided talking to me, and I was often left facing painful situations alone. It felt like I had the ‘affair germs’ and those friends did not want to be infected.
Even at school and church, those who I thought were friends, kept their distance. I was an outcast at school, church and the local community.
When there are few people who want to be around you, even to just talk about what happened, it makes it awfully lonely carrying all the anger, hurt, and confusion on the inside.
I understand more about affairs and why others avoided me now, but at the time, it was painful. I wrestled with the inner struggles and outer struggles that each of these issues brought.
I was determined to learn from what I experienced and not make those same mistakes in my own life and marriage.
In my mind, marriages and families shouldn’t have to go through such experiences. Sure, there were shows like the ‘Brady Bunch’ that made it tolerable, but real life affairs and blended families weren’t like that.
My path eventually led to becoming a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) in Texas. I also went on to become a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor (LCDC).
This gives me the ability to share and help others get through a wide range of the pains and hurts. It allowed me to minister to others that were facing experiences similar to what I experienced. It’s my conviction that “affairs do not have to end marriages and break up families”.
I spent the next years working with families and individuals in a variety of settings and situations. These settings included general hospitals, mental health hospitals, drug rehabs, homeless shelters, out-patient clinics, in home visitation, foster care, public school settings, residential treatment facilities, churches and private practice.
Having worked across such a wide variety of settings, my history gives me a range of experiences to draw from in helping you and other families.
I know what the obstacles to good relationships are and ways of removing them. My approach is founded on proven Biblical principles in understanding marriages and families.
Those principles combined with experience along with discoveries and approaches from neuropsychology have been foundational in developing my “Direct Connect” methods used in the books, webinars and resources.
The “Direct Connect” method takes healing deeper by connecting your head with your heart. One is often out of sync with the other, which contributes to the affair problems.
This method also bypasses many of the mental defenses that flare up with affairs.
When out of sync, the head or the heart are each off doing their own thing, leaving you feeling disconnected and crazy.
Reconnecting your head and heart is critical in recovery from affairs.
After over next thirty -five years’ experience of helping others through the pain of affairs and family issues, it’s now time to share those lessons with you.
I bring together personal experience and research in helping you and your family navigate through your crises from the affair to dealing with the trauma and preventing relapse.
Over the years, thousands of families have benefited from the lessons learned from going through these experiences. Find out how I can help you and your marriage relationship.
I understand how you want to be careful who you let into that most personal of relationships of your marriage. You should be. Letting the wrong people into that intimate circle brings disaster.
I was one of the first counselors who saw the potential impact of reaching out with help on the internet. My initial counseling website contained articles on family, and parenting issues (www.RestoreTheFamily.com) and has been around since 1999.
Yes, that means that I have been helping people on the internet for over 17 years, through articles, ebooks, and being an early pioneer in the area of using telephone and online counseling.
A second site focusing specifically on helping couples save their marriages and recover from affairs (www.SurviveYourPartnersAffair.com) was added in 2006. My use of technology in counseling led to a presentation at the Texas Association of Marriage and Family Therapists on using technology to better help clients.
I worked as a Christian Counselor with Rapha for nine years prior to going into private practice. My departure was due to my own choice of wanting to go into private practice. When I left, it was on extremely good terms.
Unlike some counselors who are still searching for answers as to what their values are and what they believe, I spent many years working that out and know where I stand on issues related to marriage and the family.
I also know how my approach fits with Biblical principles, brain functioning, and relationship dynamics.
My private practice work has included being invited to speak from the pulpit at churches in Houston, Pasadena, La Porte and Gonzales, Texas.
I know that what you believe, and what your counselor believes about marriage are important for your healing. The church I grew up at in Pasadena had used the slogan “It does make a difference what you believe“. After 35+ years of helping others, I see the truth of that statement clearer now than back then.
In addition to counseling, I have also taught psychology courses at two campuses of San Jacinto College and conducted parenting classes at the Star of Hope homeless shelter in Houston, Texas.
These experiences working with people and teaching, and integrating Biblical truths with psychological insights have provided a broad knowledge base that I share with people through articles, e-books and blog posts on family and marriage related issues. These articles now have an international distribution.
My work has been featured on Wall Street Journal Radio and the Larry Elder Show. I have also been approached by television networks, Including the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN) about doing shows dealing with affairs involving clients, and their success stories.
I declined them due to sensitivity and personal ethical concerns associated public exposure and affairs (yes, I said No to “Oprah”). Your confidentiality is more important to me than national attention. Although couples sharing their personal stories may help some people, it was not something that I felt was in their best interests. In my mind an affair is not for titillating entertainment purposes.
My articles have been featured as part of the Parent University program of the Pasadena Independent School District along with the Chicago Sun Times, Houston Chronicle, Livestrong, Chefs.com, Plaza Lima Sur Magazine and Pasadena Citizen. I have also received requests to use my articles from Australia, Europe and across the United States.
I meet with clients locally, nationally and internationally via telephone and online communication.
My specialty areas are dealing with affairs and family/relationship issues. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor.
This combination provides me with a unique understanding regarding the addictive qualities of affairs and the frequent association of affairs with other addictive behaviors.
My wife, Peggy, and I have been married since 1985 and have been blessed with three incredible sons. This was the first and only marriage for both of us. During that time we have experienced the challenges and temptations and found ways of navigating through them.
-If you are interested in having me speak to your group, church or at an event, please contact me for schedule availability. I will gladly address topics related to marriage, family life, raising children and overcoming affairs.