Archive for the Understanding Affairs
Affairs wreak damage on relationships. They can also lead to damage of careers, jobs and reputations. One area often damaged by affairs, but not frequently discussed is health. The most obvious health related concern is communicable diseases. Since some of these are potentially life threatening, it is a concern. The risk taking involved in participating […]
Affairs are often painted by its proponents as beingĀ between “consenting adults”, or as “a victimless crime”. Those attempting to excuse affairs often find any excuse they can, from anthropology research regarding various primitive tribes, polls taken in Men’s/Women’s magazines to the questionable Kinsey research. What the research, polls, and observations fail to report is […]
There are some couples who actually plant seeds for their own destruction within the marriage. One way this occurs is through the use of fantasy and toys. Although many couples find that these may enhance their playtime, there is a hidden danger. The hidden danger is that such practices often lead to you or your […]
Is it possible that you are in denial concerning an affair? Many times there are signals and messages that things are different, yet the one spouse is oblivious to the signals. Changes in dress, speech, appearance, habits, and friends are all indications that something is happening. You may know that something is changing, but do […]
A commonly asked question that challenges many with its answer is “Can a person be driven to an affair?” In emotionally unhealthy marriages, spouses often find themselves feeling desperate in finding ways to meet their needs. The needs are legitimate. There is nothing wrong with the needs. What becomes problematic is when they see the […]
In the aftermath of an affair, behaviors are often at the forefront of the arguments/discussions. The reason behaviors are at the front is their visibility. They make easy targets since they are observable. Behaviors can be either denied or admitted to. What is often not discussed is attitudes. It is as if the attitudes are […]
Adultery is one of those heinous acts that people often search for who is to blame. The focus on blaming often keeps each of the spouses from taking an honest look at what each can do to improve the marriage. The blaming often takes the form of good person/bad person. A distinct difference is noted […]
A question that is often very difficult to handle is “Is it my fault that my spouse had an affair?” Such questions often keep the emotional tension at a high point. There are feelings of guilt, shame, anger and often rage associated with this question. Many times there are mixed answers to the question. There […]
One of my sons is a Quintin Tarantino fan, and as such he uses quotes from his movies. One of those quotes concerns revenge. In one movie of the Kill Bill series, revenge is likened to a forest that one often gets lost in. The more I thought about it, I realized there is some […]
In reading through articles concerning affairs, a complaint made by adulterers is the lack of resources available to them. I exclaimed to myself “Are they not looking?!” It surprised me that the concern was raised. After thinking about it, I realized that this is the kind of thinking that got them in this place anyways. […]
