Many times an affair is trivialized by the infidel, who claims, “it was no big deal”. Even when presented with the events, they will respond with “so, it was not a big deal”, or “you are making a big deal over nothing!”. What you are seeing is a window into the mental somersaults they are performing in their head to justify their actions. If you are a person who compromises to keep the peace, you may find yourself having to justify something that deep down you know is against your soul. In such cases, you may have to intentionally focus on doing what is the right thing. Taking such a stand will not avoid the conflicts, but you have to live with your own conscience. It is not worth losing your soul in order to avoid a fight.
Whatever occurred was a violation of trust. If it was not a big deal, then why the secrecy? If they felt good about it then they could do it in front of their kids, the parents and the church. If they do not feel that comfortable about it, then they know deep inside that what they did was wrong.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
adutlery, affairs, cheating, infidelity, rationalizing, Understanding AffairsIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
For the final aspect of denial, the topic of associations is addressed. This area is often ignored and overlooked in overcoming the affair and its emotional scars. This area concerns the connections you make in your thinking between the affair and other experiences you have gone through. Many times those previous experiences and the affair develop a painful reciprocity. This association makes it difficult to separate the affair from the bleed over from other painful experiences in your life.
Denial of the associations you have. There is also a denial of the associations you have with the affair. The sensations of the affair triggered reactions based on experiences you had in your past. Some of the pain associated with affairs involves the associations we have with our own experiences. The situation may remind you past pains, hurts and people in your life. You may need to remind yourself that your spouse is your spouse, they are not your uncle or stepmother. If images of past events or people arise, there is a likelihood of bleed over from past experiences. It will be important to separate those past associations from the present events.
Understanding this form of denial will allow you to defuse and disconnect the affair from the other painful episodes in your life. This will help facilitate the emotional healing.
 Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
adutlery, affairs and denial, cheating, infidelity, Understanding AffairsIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
