One question that often surprises couples is “do you want marriage counseling or divorce counseling?” Some couples show up at the counselor after an affair and have never considered the reason they were there. The question startles them, it wakes them up to the reality of what they are facing. It also serves to make it clear what the agenda each of them has. Some spouses only attend counseling to appease their guilt and get their partner off their case. When spouses are honest with each other about what they are “meeting with the counselor” for, the work can be more effective. Repairing a relationship, especially after an affair requires commitment. This commitment consists of whether or not they are wanting to do what it takes to make it work or whether there is a point where they give up. When the issues addressed take people outside of their comfort zones, many spouses jump ship and leave the counseling either physically or mentally.
“Do you want marriage counseling or divorce counseling?”
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
affairs and divorce, cheating, divorce, marriage counseling, overcoming cheating, preventing divorce, Rebuilding the relationshipIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
One of my sons is a Quintin Tarantino fan, and as such he uses quotes from his movies. One of those quotes concerns revenge. In one movie of the Kill Bill series, revenge is likened to a forest that one often gets lost in. The more I thought about it, I realized there is some truth to it from what I have seen with couples. It is common for one spouse to seek revenge for the affair. Filing for divorce is often a form of revenge. In the case of filing for divorce, the spouse often gets lost in the forest. Divorce lawyers end up costing more than expected. What should have been a few hundred dollars has turned into several thousand, and you are no closer to final settlement. The deisre to get out or the relationship often turns into a drive to devestate them while devestaring yourself in the process. When this mutual devestation of emotional and financial resources takes place, they have definitely gotten lost in the forest. They forgot what they wanted in the first place. Before you get lost in the forest of revenge, consider what it is that you really want in the aftermath of an affair.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
affairs and divorce, infidelity and divorce, Infidelity and revenge, revenge and divorce dont mix well, Understanding AffairsIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
