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Selfishness, plain and simple is a big factor with affairs. The infidel and their lover seek self-gratification. The gratification they seek is often quick, impulsive and without much thought. Although attempts at rationalizing their actions with “I deserve some happiness”, “God never intended me to be miserable”, “They did it first”, “They don’t understand” or “I am only human” are used as excuses, they do not improve the situation. Such excuses do not consider the impact of the choices on their families, communities and values.I have also seen cases where those involved in the affair believed that they were better or smarter than other people. They believed they were entitled to indulge in such illicit acts with impunity.

Even though they attribute the stigmas associated with affairs to Christianity or organized religion, the stigma of affairs existed in societies before Christianity changed cultures. These cultures knew back then, it was selfishness, pure and simple. Even in Scotland, the stigma associated with affairs existed among the tribal cultures before the organized church moved in. Even prior to the giving of the Mosaic law, the practice of adultery was frowned upon.

What adulterers do not consider is that once the damage is done to the family, community and values, it cannot be undone. Adulterous acts can be forgiven, but they cannot be undone. People are more accepting of instances where someone was drugged, tricked or forced into affairs than those situations where the parties knowingly gave into their impulsive desires.

Yes, it is difficult delaying gratification of desires. It is important to delay such gratification than to indulge in impulsive acts that often have an extremely long tail which often stretches across generations.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey D. Murrah

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