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A truism regarding affairs is that no one, I repeat NO ONE is smart enough to be able to cover all their tracks. In a small town, it is exceptionally difficult. People recognize you driving through town, in the local eateries, at the local hotels. Not only do you encounter these people during the affair, you run into them at the church, grocery store, hardware store or post office during the regular weekday. They have seen you in action and now you have to see them in other settings. In the big city, much can be covered with a smile and polite nod, yet in small towns, you often find yourself in conversation with those people, and having to face them eye to eye. In the event you are not dealing directly with the people who saw you, since people talk, their associates likely know who you are and what you have been doing.

You may be able to hide the affair itself, but you will not be able to hide the tracks of where you went, who you were with, etc. Hiding your lover from your spouse is one thing, but hiding all your tracks is not so easily accomplished. On the internet, one can resort to track erasing software. Such software is not so readily available in real life.

Even you or your lover will have to visit their physician. Sexual activity will tell on you at the doctor’s office. There will be tell tale signs of what has been going on. Even when you keep those signs hidden, then you have to deal with the psychosomatic symptoms which develop from keeping those things hidden.

Be careful where you go, for there will always be tracks.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey D. Murrah

affairs in a small town, cheating in a small town, doctors and affairs, Understanding Affairs

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Recovering from an affair in a small town has its challenges. In a large city, one can avoid the places associated with the affair. In a small town, one is confronted with reminders on a daily basis. Having to see and be reminded of the affair makes it akin to a wound that never heals. Each day with places and people staring you in the face it is hard to put it behind you. In such cases, where you can not avoid the reminders, it is important to “re-frame” those reminders. You will need to change the meanings you have associated with those reminders. Since you can not change what happened, or avoid it, then you must change the meanings associated with those things and places.

You will be faced with choices concerning whether you let each reminder being a reason to curse and blame or whether you will change the meaning. Each reminder will either build you up or tear you down until you find a way to change the meaning of the events. Since there are several ways to change the meanings that people have found that works for them, I will not try and tell you which method is the one ‘tried and true’ best.

Once you select a method, you will need to give it time. It often takes several weeks of consistently using your method to change meaning before it does. So if you try this approach, do not give up after a week or two.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey Murrah

affairs in a small town, cheating in a small town, Rebuilding the relationship, recovery from an affair in a small town

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If you think the consequences of cheating are intense and painful, consider how they are magnified in a small town. In small towns, people often know each others business, including who is sleeping with who. Typically, this is one of the factors that often keeps people from cheating. Problems often arise when someone from the ‘big city’ arrives with either a lot of money or prestige. The new arrival thinks that they are smart enough, clever enough or rich enough to be irresponsible and not get caught. Although those tactics work in the big cities, when affairs occur in a small town, there are fewer places to hide, and fewer places to go on dates to.  The fewer rendezvous points coupled with the talkativeness of small towns often creates a volatile atmosphere. The offended parties do know where you live, they go to the same schools, stores, post offices and churches. There is no escape from ones peccadilloes in a  small town.

Recovery from such an episode is often more painful, since one has to face the issues rather than run from them. Months or years after the event, there are often people who remember what happened, which means your reputation follows you around. That in some ways is a blessing in disguise, since the parties often feel the pressure to forgive more intensely as well. The best advice is don’t do it. If you have been involved, resolve the issues as quickly as possible, since the close encounters with your neighbors will worsen if it is not dealt with.

As an added issue, I have also observed that professionals in small communities often have a more difficult time with this than other groups. The professionals often assume that because they are a professional they can get away with it. When such situations occur in a small town, the bigger the person is, the harder they fall. Reputations suffer far more in a small town than in a large metropolitan area.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey Murrah

affairs in a small town, cheating in a small town, professionals and affairs, recovery from affairs in a small town, Understanding Affairs

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