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Stalkers, like other control game freaks, often want more and more control. In some cases that stalker gains enough power over the victim to where there is a blackmail situation. The fear of the secrets getting out is so great that people are put into compromising situations. Secrets often go hand in hand with affairs. The more powerful the secret, the more exciting the affair. When a stalker has control, they have managed to leverage the power of the secret and use that power to exploit the victim. In some cases, the information may be a threat to expose the affair. In other cases, the victim is exploited into having an affair with the stalker. Either way, the effects are devastating.

One of the dangers of blackmail is that is seldom ever ends. The secret continues being used to leverage more. More sex, more money, more secrets, the cycle never ends. Those people with more money, popularity, etc  are more vulnerable to stalkers who want to leverage what they have learned. Whatever their motives, they use fear as a powerful motivation to manipulate the victim. I have also seen this used with persons caught up in the sex trade and swingers lifestyle who wish to leave, yet are trapped by threats of being exposed or used against them in divorce courts.

It is not beyond stalkers and blackmailers to set up traps for their victims. They often operate on a hunting-type mentality that seeks to ensnare and exploit their prey. They are not interested in loving them, only in using them. If you are in one of these situations, it is important that you come up with an escape plan and do it quickly. These situations do not improve over time, they only worsen and the stakes grown greater.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey Murrah

affairs and blackmail, affairs and swingers, dealing with stalkers, Reducing the Risk, sex trade, stalkers and affairs, swingers, Understanding Affairs

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How does one deal with stalkers?

Stalkers are not often amenable to logic of discussing things rationally. Since they are often driven by emotions, the use of rational thinking with them is of limited use. You may feel better by trying to talk rationally with them, but it will do little to change their behaviors. In dealing with such people, you will need to stop the nice guy/nice girl approach.

1. Set firm limits. You need boundaries that are firm and clear. This is important for you and to send a message to the stalker. Know what you will and will not tolerate.

2. Be willing to call the police or other agency in maintaining your boundaries.

3. Limit your contact and communication with them. When you do communicate, limit it to one word ‘yes’ or ‘no’ responses. They will often attempt to engage you in interactions. Resist the temptation to explain yourself or elaborate on your communications.

4. It is better to be safe than sorry. With this in mind, use precautions when you travel.  Debug your computer and phones.  If necessary, do not travel alone or venture into high risk situations.

5. Find friend who you can talk to about what is happening. At times you may feel trapped if you do not use your friends and relationships to cope with what is occurring. Stalkers often want their victim to feel isolated and alone. It is important to stay engaged in relationships with your support system.

6. Let go of the idea that you ‘need’ to talk with them.

7. Be firm in saying ‘no’. No needs to mean no.

These are some simple guidelines that will help you deal with stalkers.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey D. Murrah

boundaries and affairs, dealing with stalkers, Reducing the Risk, stalkers and affairs, stalking lovers, Understanding Affairs

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