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By nature, we as human avoid pain. The avoidance of pain also extends to our relationships. The avoidance of pain often interferes with the ability to confront and deal with affairs. Some couples are aware of their spouses affairs yet refuse to say anything, claiming they do not want to ‘upset’ things. They want to maintain their own personal peace rather than confront what is happening in front of them. In such cases, the behavior is not ‘denial’ per se. True denial occurs without people being aware of it. In these cases, they are aware that they are not confronting what is going on. The intentionally avoid any kind of confrontation.
There are many reasons for not confronting the affair-related issues. Each of these reasons accomplish the same purpose: “to keep the peace”. Even though the peace is imagined, they would rather have that and suffer in silent desperation than to openly address the affair.
It seems odd, but there are some people that know about the affair, but are not ready to confront their spouse yet. It is as if they have come to grips with the issue intellectually, yet are not ready to take action or to allow the full emotional impact to take effect.
If you are one of these people, you are not alone. There are others who suffer in desperation, preferring to ‘keep it to themselves’ rather than to address the issue.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
denial and affairs, denial and cheating, infidelity and denial, Understanding AffairsIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Is it possible that you are in denial concerning an affair? Many times there are signals and messages that things are different, yet the one spouse is oblivious to the signals. Changes in dress, speech, appearance, habits, and friends are all indications that something is happening. You may know that something is changing, but do you know the reason for those changes. When you see changes in your spouses emotional distance from you, when you since a change in how they respond to you, it may be time to ask questions about what is behind it. When you are given an answer, it the words sound hollow or do not ring true, you may want to explore matters further. When we are in denial, we often want to believe the lies, rather than seeking out the truth.Your gut will alert you to when things are not what they seem.
Learn to pay attention to your gut. How often has your gut led you astray? If it has not, then what makes you think it is doing so now? Knowing what signals to listen to is part of breaking through the denial. Rather than live in a dream world of denial, you will need to develop the habit of living in the real world.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
denial about relationships, denial and affairs, denial and cheating, denial and infidelity, overcoming denial, Understanding AffairsIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
In the previous posts, the topic of denial has been addressed in terms of the emotions and the affair itself. Since denial has a way of effecting so many parts of our lives, it is important to understand the extent of denial. The previous two posts were types of denial that people are used to encountering. The nest type is denial of what you thought. in the aftermath of an affair, large quantities of confusion fill ones days and nights. The thoughts that run through your head are often unfocused and reactive. This third type of denial addresses the topic of denial of thought.
Denial of what you thought. Besides denial of emotions there is also a denial of thought. There were thoughts that you experienced. Some you dismissed, some you chose to dwell on and some you choose not to speak about. Some of the thoughts you experience may be malicious and evil. Although you will not want to act out those thoughts, you will need to be honest with yourself about what those thoughts are and how they are influencing your choices and behaviors.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
adultery, cheating, denial and affairs, denial of thought, infidelity, Understanding AffairsIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
