As I have been working on an exciting new e-book focusing on the effects of affairs on children, new realizations have become much clearer. Among these new realizations is that, “everyone loses with an affair”. Although Americans often look at the world in terms of winners and losers, with affairs, no one can be considered the winner. The family looses the closeness it had. The trust is destroyed and replaced with lies. Someone may have had some great sex, but the price tag makes it a loosing proposition. The seducer looses by being a major factor in a family breaking up. Compassion and humanity are lost in that everyone is reduced to property that is fought over. Everyone touched by an affair is de-humanized. The end result of an affair is the release of animal passions which is accomapnied by less than human behaviors.
When an act leaves you loosing your heart, soul and humanity, what has been gained? Affairs have to focus their attention on the here and now, because if those involved considered the long term aspects, it would not be worth it. Although the depravity of mankind wants to look at affairs in terms of ‘winning’ something or someone. It is true that someone is taken hostage, but I would not call being a hostage winning by any stretch of the imagination.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
adultery, affairs, affairs on children, cheating, effects of affairs, infidelity, relationships, Understanding AffairsIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Scars serve as reminders of what happened to us. Many times our bodies have scars that are reminders of accidents or poor decisions. Although the episodes happened long before, the scar is a reminder that it happened. In a similar manner, the emotional scars of affairs often linger for years afterwards. They remind us what happened, long after the episode was forgiven.
What is the purpose of scars? Scar tissue is what has pulled the skin together. It joined two parts that were separated. Scar tissue is often tougher than normal skin tissue and can resist damage more effectively than what was there. It is not pretty, although it is tough. Likewise, the bonds that form in the aftermath of an affair often pull the couple together and strengthen their relationship, although it may not be pretty. Real life is often not pretty. People get their feelings hurt and things often need forgiveness.
Scars are reminders. We can choose to let them remind us of the accident, or choose to remind them how we miraculously made it through that episode. We survived. We were pulled out of a potentially worse situation. We can choose to be thankful regarding scars or we can choose to be regretful regarding scars. I like the line used by Pierce Brosnan in the movie The Thomas Crown Affair, “Regrets are a waste of time”. That quote often helps me keep perspective. You may want to remind yourself of that in responding to scars.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
cheating, effects of adultery, effects of affairs, infidelity, relationships, scars, Understanding AffairsIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
