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When in the midst of an affair, those involved often excuse their behavior. They use any report, claim, suggestion or advice they find to support their actions. During this time, they play up their happiness, even going so far as to say they have a right to be happy. If they were honest, it would be they are determined to have sex with whomever they please. They often idealize the relationship, and at the same time demonize their present marriage. Somehow they believe if they make their present marriage look bad, it will somehow make the affair acceptable.
If you ask them, they will tell you that yes, an affair is a good thing. If you ask the spouse or the children, they will often tell you otherwise. Affairs have long tails. The impact of the decision to have an affair often stretches across years, decades and generations. The mention of an affair besmirches the reputation. The rejection and betrayal involved often shape how that generation is viewed and evaluated. In the future, they will not say, He/She deserved some happiness, or that they made the right decision. No, their reputation will be stained. Those involved with affairs rarely consider the future and the long term impact of their choices. The only choice that often matters to them are “Who they are with tonight?”.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
cheating, excusing affairs, good affairs, infidelity, Understanding AffairsIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
The human mind amazes me with all the ways it manages to twist and turn information, especially regarding affairs. When the will is set on having the affair, the mind will manufacture all kinds of rationalizations and excuses to make it sound acceptable. This same mindset of twisting information and looking for loopholes will also influence theology. If writings in your religious teachings take stands against affairs, you will likely find exceptions and escape clauses. The looking for excuses will influence how you look at the world. All kinds of reasoning will be used. Phrases like “God does not want me to be lonely”, “I deserve to be happy”, “My spouse did me wrong first”, “Everybody is doing it”, “They do it in France”, …Although some of these may have a sliver of truth, they are being used to rationalize the behavior. The bottom line is that an affair, is an affair, is an affair. No matter what you call it, it is still an affair. No matter how you excuse it, it is still an affair.
When you honestly call it what it is, then you can begin to take steps at improving your situation.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
adultery, affair, cheating, excusing affairs, infidelity, relationships, Understanding AffairsIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
