In dealing with chemical dependency, I often remind the addicts, that after the drugs are out of the body, then you have to get them out of your head and out of your heart. This same principle applies to affairs, for both the resolute spouse and the infidel. Once the affair is over, you will still have to undo the affair in your head. The mental scar will take longer than a physical scar takes to heal. Realize that it will take time.
It is like changing programing in a computer. There will be days when the program will loop over and over until it finally changes. You will have to remind yourself that although the program is starting like it has many times before, since the affair is over, the outcome of the program will be different. As you de-program these scars in your head, the memory and fantasies regarding the affair will fade. If on the other hand, you continue giving yourself a steady diet of the fantasies, you will find it taking longer to heal and “let go” of the affair and its aftermath.
This is just the overview of what occurs. I will make some future posts concerning the details involved in this process if you all are interested in more information.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
adultery, affairs, cheating, fantasies, infidelity, mental scars., Understanding AffairsIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
In dealing with couples, I am constantly amazed at the amount of ‘magical thinking’ that occurs. This magical thinking takes several forms. One is, If only I can explain my viewpoint, they will believe me and all will be fine. Another is all if only I can show them what a great lover I am and all will be well. There are other variants, but the mindset is the same. These people actually believe that the “If only..” things came to pass that all would be well. This is magical thinking. Like the Easter Bunny and the Great Pumpkin, these things are the building blocks of fantasy. Relationships need solid building blocks, not fantasies to provide a foundation to the relationship.
This same kind of magical thinking is also involved with the paramour, where the fantasies about where they will take the adulterer and how life will be different, etc., etc., . This is also magical thinking.
Finding real solutions begins with confronting the magical thinking that is associated with affairs.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
adultery, affairs, fantasies, infidelity, magical thinking, paramour, Understanding AffairsIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
