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Fear is a powerful motivating force. Fear keeps some spouses from even mentioning their suspicions of an affair. Fear is what keeps the adulterer from bringing up the affair. Fear is what keeps the couple from discussing what is missing in their marriage and what their needs are. Instead, they may complain about the secondary symptoms of what is missing, since that is often easier to discuss and blame over. It is easier to complain about sex than to discuss intimacy needs. It is easier to complain about ‘poor communication’ than to discuss the fears that often keep them from open discussions.
Living with fear is often more extreme with couples who grew up in families that operated and existed in fear. Whether fears of rejection, honest, violence or something else. Living in fear brings poor choices and a sense of desperation. There are fears that religious leaders or people in the community would reject them if they were honest. Fear brings torment into the lives and marriages of the people exposed to it.
You can take steps to escape the fear. It begins by being honest with yourself. Tell yourself the truth about yourself and what is going on. Learning to live with honesty will open your eyes to many things. You will find yourself living in a more genuine manner. No need to hide behind masks and veils, you can begin to see through those obfuscating items. True love is incompatible with fear. As you begin increasing your awareness of fear, you will begin hating the fear and how it dominated your life. Once you have begun telling yourself the truth, then you can take steps to secure your safety.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
affairs and religion, fear and affairs, overcoming fear and affairs, overcoming the fears associated with cheating and exposing cheating, Rebuilding the relationship, Understanding AffairsIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
The time of year associated with Halloween is connected with threats and tricks. The public often visit haunted houses and events that produce sensations of fear or surprise. There are times that those frightened scream and run off. Fear, fright, and surprise are part of the package that goes with Halloween. Sadly, there are some couples and families who live those experiences day in and day out. Threats and fear are used to ‘keep people in line’ and maintain order in the family. In such families, love is a frightening thing. To trust is to make oneself vulnerable to guaranteed hurts or exploitation.
In such families, the fear often produces effects beyond what was expected. Rather than scaring the person into staying ‘in relationship’, it can have the opposite effect. The fear can drive them to seek comfort and love in the arms of another. In such families, the threat of divorce or physical hurt are common. After a while the threats loose their effectiveness. The terrorist then resorts to threatening them with community embarrassment or eternal damnation if they do not submit to their fearful ways. When fear dominates the relationship, there is often no room for love. What love survives, is often choked out by the repeated tantrums and threats. Each threat or scream crushes the love in the relationship a little bit more, until one day, there is nothing left. These relationships I call “Halloween Love”, since fear has been substituted for love and terror substituted for affection.
This Halloween shouldn’t you re-evaluate your relationship and remove any Halloween Love?
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
cheating and halloween, fear and affairs, fear in families, halloween and affairs, halloween love, UncategorizedIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
