If the infidelity you are dealing with involves sexual addiction, then action will be needed to correct the situation. In one recent study, 5-6% of the US population met the criteria for sexual compulsivity (aka-sexual addiction). As you see by the numbers, not all affairs are due to sexual addictions. If you are one of those who are having to deal with it, either directly or indirectly, there are some approaches that will not work. These includee:
1. Make more resolutions, promises, or oaths.
2. Using geographical cures. Moving to a new location will not correct the problems that you carry inside of you.
3. Getting into the relationship or marriage. Many couples make of go of their marriage without addressing the sexual compulsivity issue. The assume that their love can overcome the addiction.
4. Getting out of the relationship or marriage. This may end the relationship, but it will not change or improve the compulsivity. You will need to address that. Getting out of the relationship is only window dressing.
5. Finding or using drugs for addiction. This will provide immediate short term relief, but it will not address the problem. It will only serve to disguise the issues underlying the drug or alcohol use.
6. Telling yourself that you will outgrow the compulsion. You may have longer periods of abstinence or control, but you have not addressed the issues that need your attention.
These are only the major excuses people give or use in avoiding dealing with the issue of sexual addiction within their marriages.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
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I recently finished my revisions to the e-book dealing with the effects of affairs on children. Researching it was a challenge, although the help it will bring will make it worth the effort. As a child, I went through one of my parents having an affair, so I am familiar with the issues and pain involved from having been there. The book addresses the unique needs of younger children, adolescents and adult children. It also deals with the challenging topic of pregnancies and extraneous children. My intent was to provide guidance and direction to those who are totally lost and seeking direction in the wake of an affair. If you are one of those seeking direction, and wanting to know how to deal with the children, there is hope and answers.
Affairs and children do not mix. They never have and never will. The mindset involved with affairs and the mindset needed to keep a family emotionally healthy are opposites. Even if you are caught in the mess of dealing with both of those worlds, you can find a way through the mess.
adolescents, adult children and affairs, adultery, affairs and preganancy, cheating, children, infidelitly, philandering, relationships, Resources, Understanding AffairsIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Valentine’s Day is approaching. With it’s approach, many couples begin thinking of love and acknowledging the importance they place on each other. In healthy marriages, it is an enjoyable time of love, flowers and chocolate. The days leading up to Valentine’s is also a time when affairs and infidelity are exposed. Because of the emphasis placed on Valentine’s Day, lovers outside of marriage often want an enjoyable time as well, although it is not rightfully theirs to enjoy. This is the time to be alert for expenses, calls, unaccounted for time, and other indications that an affair is underway. Valentine’s Day is for lovers, both licit and illicit. It can be a high point in a relationship or one filled with the low point of despair.
Valentine’s Day also provides an opportunity to begin making things aright in relationships where things have gone wrong. Because of the expectations associated with the day, spouses will be more sensitive and responsive to attempts to reconcile and renew the relationship.
Valentine’s Day is coming, use it wisely.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
adultery, affairs, catching cheaters, cheating, History of Affairs, infidelitly, philandering, relationships, Uncategorized, Understanding Affairs, Valentines DayIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Men and women view affairs differently. Men are often more threatened by the sexual aspect of their wives’s affairs, while wives are more often threatened by the emotional aspects of the affair. The threat aspect is often very real. In the past week, I have seen several articles on “Is your husband’s avatar faithful?” On the surface, this may seem like a silly issue, although the reality, which the wives understand is that the avatar represents the emotional bonds and emotional attachments their husbands have. An unfaithful avatar is definitely a threat to the emotional security of the marriage, even though in real life, he has not slept with anyone. There are many threats that pose event greater dangers than an unfaithful avatar. The threat is often not so much the avatar’s actions, but rather the spouse’s attitude and emotional attachments. If the avatar is part of a game and there are no attachments, then wives often see no threat with what is going on. When they sense that their husband’s heart has shifted, then they sound the threat alarm.
In another tragic news item, a husband (Michel Veillette) who felt threatened by his wifes accusations of infidelity took action into his own hands. The emotional out bust resulted in the death of her and their four children and the home being burned. He later admitted to the police he was having an affair. Affairs are a serious matter. It is not just ‘harmless’ fun. The stakes are high and life-threatening. Even in the situations where physical deaths do not occur, there is often either a spiritual or emotional death of those involved.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
adultery, Affairs in the News, avatar affairs, Canada, cheating, emotional affairs, infidelitly, Michel Veillette, Understanding AffairsIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
