I find it an oddity that many people use affairs as a pretext for divorce. Somehow when a spouse has an affair, it makes divorce an acceptable option. It is as if the equation infidelity/cheating=D-I-V-O-R-C-E. Even when the divorce option is used to remedy the situation, the relationship and personality dynamics that set the stage for an affair are still in place. Those dynamics still need attention. The divorce only legally ends the marriage, it does not solve the problem, whether it was one of difficulty with commitment, sexual issues, intimacy issues or knowing how to be in a relationship. Such issues will still need to be addressed.
The oddity of using an affair is pretext for a divorce is even excused citing Biblical references to excuse the divorce. These excuses often blind the people from addressing the issues that led to the cheating in the first place. Such issues need to be addressed if the person wants to improve their lives and their relationships. What I have seen in many of these cases is that the decision is made concerning a desire and willingness to divorce long before the affair. The cheating in such scenarios is only when the trap is sprung, and their plan for divorce can be” put into action”. Yes, such thinking sounds sinister, which it is. In such cases, the cheating is part of a desire for divorce, although it is never acknowledged. In other words, the cheating and reaction to the cheating acts like a sub-concious desire for divorce.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
Biblical excuses for divorce, cheating and divorce, cheating in relationships, divorce, infidelity, infidelity and divorce, Rebuilding the relationship, the Bible and cheating, Understanding AffairsIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
One of my sons is a Quintin Tarantino fan, and as such he uses quotes from his movies. One of those quotes concerns revenge. In one movie of the Kill Bill series, revenge is likened to a forest that one often gets lost in. The more I thought about it, I realized there is some truth to it from what I have seen with couples. It is common for one spouse to seek revenge for the affair. Filing for divorce is often a form of revenge. In the case of filing for divorce, the spouse often gets lost in the forest. Divorce lawyers end up costing more than expected. What should have been a few hundred dollars has turned into several thousand, and you are no closer to final settlement. The deisre to get out or the relationship often turns into a drive to devestate them while devestaring yourself in the process. When this mutual devestation of emotional and financial resources takes place, they have definitely gotten lost in the forest. They forgot what they wanted in the first place. Before you get lost in the forest of revenge, consider what it is that you really want in the aftermath of an affair.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
affairs and divorce, infidelity and divorce, Infidelity and revenge, revenge and divorce dont mix well, Understanding AffairsIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
