Infidelity has a long history. One area where infidelity frequently occurred is within the royal families. The drama of wives, heads and concubines is one of the hallmarks associated with the reign of Henry VIII of England. Henry VIII was not the first and certainly was not the last of the infidel rulers. The lines of the kings of Scotland and England are filled with many more. Other European monarchies also had their share, with Catherine the Great of Russia being legendary for her affairs. Middle Eastern rulers were known for their harems and activities associated with them. The United States has also had its share of philandering rulers as well. The peccadilloes of LBJ, FDR, John F. Kennedy, and Bill Clinton are now part of American history.

At the time of the affairs, there were many secrets hiding their existence. Some were seen as major secrets. Attempts to hide them were aided by government police and special agents that hid what most adulterers have to do by themselves. At the time, since the episodes were hidden, many think that the damage was done and over with. I beg to differ. The examples set by such rulers suggests that affairs are a privilege of class. Their actions make it appear that once a person is in high office, that the affairs come with the other perks. The recent book, Wolf of Wall Street bears testimony to this practice. There is the assumption that it is money that creates the temptation of infidelity. I beg to differ. There were many leaders who did not succumb to affairs when they had money along with the licentious affairs of those without money or position. Money and power may be the excuse or even the aphrodisiac that lures them, but in reality it is a secondary temptation. Their real goal is the infidelity.

Many of these leaders did not realize they were setting an example for generations to follow. At the time, they only wanted to satisfy their lusts and went to extremes in order to accomplish it. Henry VIII changed the official religion of England in order to satisfy his desires. This is not far from how many infidels change their theology or even their religion in order to accommodate their lustful urges. It seems that they gravitate toward those with high emotionality or numerous rituals. Somehow they are able to run from the guilt when surrounded by the emotionality and ritual. Does your infidelity dictate your choice of religion? Although things should be the other way around, affairs have a way of changing one’s world around.

It is important to rise above the examples set by kings, presidents and caliphs who lived for fleshly lusts, and provide better examples for our spouses and children.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey Murrah

adultery, affair, affairs, Bill Clinton, Catherine the Great, examples, FDR, harem, Henry VIII, History of Affairs, infidelitiy, John F Kennedy, LBJ, Uncategorized, wolf of wall street

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A common event I witness in working with couples is that the adulterer confesses what they did and the resolute spouse immediately forgives them. The adulterer experiences a sensation of relief and actually believes that dealing with the affair incident is done.

Several weeks or months later, the adulterer feels that resolute spouse is nagging and obsessive about the affair, citing that they “won’t let it go.” They feel that the resolute spouse is “beating a dead horse”. They are both exasperated and wanting to put things behind them.

When such scenarios happen, I am reminded of LBJ’s tactics in dealing with people. Yes, I know that he was an adulterer as well. Through his experiences, he learned about people. One lesson he learned is to “let things sink in”. Before giving someone a gift or reward, he would often bring them into his office and chastise them. He said things to bring them down. After they were demoralized enough, he let it sink in a little more. It was only after he let things sink in that he gave them the gift. They were very appreciative and elated with the gift. He commented (paraphrase), you never want to give a man a gift when he is up, you first have to get him down. When you give a man a gift when he is down, he appreciates it more.

Couples going through affairs could learn from this. When the adulterer confesses, let the pain sink in. Let them wallow in the pain. In doing so, the remorse sets in. Only after they get in touch with the pain and the reality sinks in should the resolute spouse forgive them. I see people too willing to forgive too early. The early forgiveness does not allow the pain to sink in and complete the work it needs to do. Once forgiven, the infidel rights believes that their dealing with the affair is done. They have confessed their wrong and are now forgiven. The forgiveness, like the gifts of LBJ, needs to be timed to allow for maximum effectiveness.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey Murrah

adultery, cheating, forgiveness, History of Affairs, infidelity, LBJ, philandering, Understanding Affairs

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