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One of the false assumptions concerning affairs is that the lover is all the problem. Many couples assume that by removing the lover from the picture, all the problems are solved. The lover was the infidels solution to the problem. The problem that existed before the affair still exists. The only thing that changed was who was selected as the solution of the problem. If you are seriously interested in solving the problem, recognize that it does not lie with the lover. The lover is only the symptom of deeper relationship or personal problems. With this in mind, when you are looking for answers and solutions, the place to start is with the relationship and in the hearts of the couple.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
adultery, affair, cheating, infidelity, lover, Rebuilding the relationship, relationshipIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Yesterday I considered the blog posts that I have written and realized that there are very few posts focused on the viewpoint of the lover or paramour. Although often ignored, the lover has significant issues in the matter of affairs also. The lover is often pictured as the “bad guy/girl” when in many cases they have been deceived like everyone else had. In some cases, the lover engages in trickery, yet, even in these cases, they are often operating on the limited information provided to them by the adulterer. Since the whole relationship starts with a series of lies from the adulterer and the paramour, it is often difficult to know what “the truth” is.
Besides the lies being told, there is also the problem of changing focus and emotions. What feelings are true in the heat of the moment, may not be true on Wednesday. Since the emotions are always changing and there are lies being exchanged concerning marital status, willingness to commit and honesty it is amazing that anyone can make sense of an affair. The lines between fantasy and reality often blur, especially when couples tend to act out their fantasies. When the lines blur, the quesiton arises as to who is loved, the fantasy lover or the real person?
If you are a lover or paramour, consider the whole basis of your relationship. Can you believe the lies? Can you recognize the lies? The affair is exciting, but is it being built on a foundation of honesty?
Consider these questions before opening and committing your heart to loving the adulterer.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
an affair from the perspective of the lover, dealing with confusing feelings, dealing with the lover, lover, paramour, Understanding AffairsIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
