I hear many excuses for affairs. The human mind astounds me with how it can come up with some mighty outlandish ways of making what is wrong sound right. The excuse “God would not want me to be miserable!” is one that is especially irritating. Sometimes the variation of “God wants me to be happy is also used.” With this excuse, the user is combining theology with rationalization. They are in effect trying to using God’s nature to condone their behavior. This is a total avoidance of responsibility. If they only knew that the term miserable goes back to its root word miser. Misers often hold onto money and possessions to the point they become emotionally distraught, hence the term miser-able or miserable. Even in using the excuse they are making an admission that they are trying to hold onto something that is not in their best interest. Not only are they holding onto it, they are attempting to say that God allowed them to do so and he approves of their action. They portray a picture of God as one whose primary goal is their happiness, which often occurs at the expense of others happiness.

Such excuses are not good for the adulterer, their paramour or their families.

Best Regards,

Jeff Murrah

affairs, cheating, infidelity, making excuses for affairs, Understanding Affairs

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Many people do not understand forgiveness and what it involves. One of the areas of confusion concerns ‘making excuses’. In the aftermath of an affair, some resolute spouses search diligently through articles and research looking for answers. Although most are well meaning, the motivation is frequently one of looking for possible excuses. If you ask them, they are searching for reasons “to explain” what happened. Unfortunately, the reality for most is that they are looking for reasons to excuse what happened or find an explanation to blame it on.  The search  keeps them occupied, yet distracts them from looking at what they need to change or improve right now.

Looking at what is happening in the ‘here and now’ is difficult, although that is all they can actually change. The past has already happened. You can only change what your are doing in the present. Try forgiving rather than looking for excuses or something or someone to blame it on.

Best Regards,

Jeff Murrah

affair, cheating, forgiveness and affairs, infidelity, making excuses for affairs, marriage, relationships, Understanding Affairs

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