In the heat of a couple’s arguments, you might hear them spewing out words that do not seem to make sense. Except for the rings that they wear, you might think that they are enemies in the midst of a heated discussion. If they simply slow down and put themselves in the shoes of their partners, perhaps they can mend their misunderstanding and rebuild their marriage.

 

People often fight back with harsh words when they feel that they are being misunderstood or that their point of view is being attacked. When you suddenly feel the rage building up inside you, pause for a while and check yourself. Are you going to say what you are about to say just to get even and attack back? There could be grains of truth that can help you develop your person and your marriage. Stop and listen! This is one of the big challenges couples face in counseling.  They often respond with “What about MY feelings?” or defend their actions rather than try to understand their spouse. Focus on understanding. Understand first, before explanations, before excuses, and before demands.

 

If you have recently gone through an affair, you should realize that your marriage has taken a beating and badly needs healing. Hence, you had better put yourself in the shoes of your partner and start seeing things from his or her perspective. That way, you can see the situation better and more objectively.

communication, how to heal marriage, marriage relationships, marriage therapy, Understanding Affairs

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