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One of the dangerous mindsets that spell disaster in the aftermath of affairs is “all or none” type of thinking. With such a mindset, one of the spouses assumes a demanding posture where they insist that the wayfaring spouse be 100% in the marriage or ‘get out’. Along with the 100% commitment, that spouse often includes hidden demands of a sexual nature as well. This type of thinking forces the other spouse to be thrown into a relationship with their partner rather than wanting to be in the relationship. It creates a situation where the marriage is held together by needs and threats rather than commitment, compassion and love. The “All or None” mindset often forces people’s hands into the relationship. Yes, they may decide to stay in the relationship, but that does not mean that their heart is committed to relationship. Demanding that your spouse do things may initially get you what you want, yet in the long run, it alienates them from you.
In the aftermath of an affair, what is needed is understanding, NOT making demands that often carry with them veiled threats.
If you want to know about other behaviors and mindsets to avoid, you will find more in the “Affair Recovery System”. Learning what NOT to do can help you avoid costly mistakes that often have large emotional and financial price tags.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
making demands on your spouse after an affair, Rebuilding the relationship, recovery from affairs, recovery from cheating, Reducing the RiskIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Although the question “What’s so bad about sleeping around?” is viewed as a “duh?” type of question in some parts of the county, I recognize that there are many people who actually do not see problems with the practice. There are also some spouses that are caught up in swinging to the point they see it as acceptable. There are some parts of the country that view a counselor working to save marriages from affairs as a novelty. So for the sake of those people, I will spell out the answer to this question.
Affairs (sleeping around) are destructive to marriages. Contrary to the advice of Ashely Madison and others, they do not enhance the marriage.
1. It creates an environment of distrust.
2. It creates potential exposure to disease.
3. It creates emotional confusion.
4. It weakens the bonds of the marriage relationship.
5. It weakens the bonds of the parent-child relationship.
6. It creates spiritual and emotional dissonance.
7. It damages reputations.
8. It creates an environment conducive to lying.
9. It creates a massive double standard in many areas of the persons life.
10. It creates exposure to blackmail.
11. It creates unnatural bonding and emotional attachments.
12. It is financially expensive
13. It enlarges legal exposure.
14. It lends itself to creating an atmosphere of gratification without responsibility.
15. It is often life threatening.
These are some of the major concerns involved in what is so bad about sleeping around. You can do something about it though. Obtain a copy of the Affair Recovery System and begin the process of healing your marriage. Each day you do not heal or strengthen your marriage, you weaken it.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
recovery from an affair, recovery from cheating, recovery from swinging, swingers, Understanding AffairsIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
One of the ways the trauma of an affair impact peoples lives is the “disconnection with life.” Although there is an alienation between you and your spouse, the alienation does not stop there. It often spreads to where you pull away from friends, activities, emotions, your body, self-care, spirituality, mental stimulation and in some cases from living itself. Like a cancer, the disconnection spreads through one’s life, impacting every area of life. Once the decision is made to heal and forgive, it can be a struggle to ‘reconnect with life’. Although the disconnection often occurs quickly, the reconnection takes longer. The reconnection is often a process. It is important to keep this in mind, since in modern society there is an obsession with “I want it NOW”. Healing and reconnecting does not occur on demand. In a way similar to the healing of the human body, the healing of the human soul needs time to reconnect all the relationships, memories, emotions, etc. At first the reconnection is weak. As it is exercised, it becomes stronger.
How long does reconnection take? The time it takes to reconnect often varies from person to person. Given that it often takes 6-18 months for a person to recover from a major loss as in a death, the 6-18 month figure is a firgure that provides a reference point.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
Rebuilding the relationship, reconnecting after an affair, recovering from the affair, recovery from cheatingIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
