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Some people are enamored of professionals when it comes to affairs. They assume that because they are a (doctor, lawyer, architect, etc.) ___________ that said person is safe to have an affair with. Just because they have some schooling, and professional credentials does not mean that they have better morals or sense of duty than other people. It is also a mistake to assume that that professional that you are having an affair with is physically safe either. Venereal diseases do not discriminate. They can infect doctors as well as other professionals as easily as they can infect a truck driver or carpenter.

People who are not professionals often admire and respect the professional. At times that respect can manifest itself as ‘infatuation’. Although the professional should realize the infatuation for what it is, they often don’t. Rather than avoid affairs with non-professionals, they often exploit they special standing they have in society and give in to their animal desires. Most have never been trained in handling the phenomena and they genuinely believe that the other person does love them. It is no surprise that men (and women) in uniform or professions often exploit non-professionals. The uniforms and licenses are often used to hide the carnal creature they become when involved in an affair.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey D. Murrah

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Feeling trapped by an affair? If you are trapped, or just feeling trapped, it is important to escape. The longer you choose to stay in an affair, the greater the damage is done. Delays in making a major intervention just to protect the feelings of others is a mistake. Traps can be made of emotional material as well as iron bars. There are times that the emotional ties are stronger than iron bars. Whether it is a physical or emotional trap, it is imperative to escape at the earliest time you can. Whether or not it is convenient, or easy, you need to pull out of the affair. Yes, the lover may be upset (or lonely, or angry, or …). You may be called names or be threatened. It is better to leave with bruised pride rather than a damaged body or mind. Once you are out, then you can think things through. That is when you can recover and find yourself. Trying to find yourself while in an affair is a sure way to loose yourself.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey Murrah

entrapment and affairs, entrapment and cheating, escaping and affair, Reducing the Risk, Understanding Affairs

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Is it possible to have an affair without realizing it? The answer is an unqualified “YES”. In the dating world, people are not always upfront with the information a person needs in order to make wise choices.  That woman that you are taking out on a date may not have told you that she is married. When the date began, you may have operated on the assumption that everything was copasetic. You may be operating that her interest in you was genuine. IN such cases, many are caught in traps they never intended to be a part of. It is not beyond married men and women to portray themselves as ‘available’ and single when the reality is that they are not so. When spouses are away as part of overseas assignments or in prison, their counterparts may not remain totally loyal to them. When faced with a prolonged absence, some spouses operate as if they were ’single’. In some cases, it is intentional, in others, such situations are due to you being caught up in their delusional thinking and values about how they are available. Although the lonely spouse may be enticing, the ‘well’ is a poisoned one. In such situations it is best to exit quickly, no matter how charming and enticing they are.

It is a mistake to think that the person who was tricked was actively seeking an affair. People can be tricked or deceived into an affair. When the person who was tricked happens to go along with the situation, then they are literally asking for trouble.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey D. Murrah

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Google has introduced another product that is sure to impact relationships. Google Buzz (which is their social network service) allows people to snoop on private gmail accounts by seeing who people write to the most. The service launched on February 9, yet its release was surrounded by controversy. Buzz connects you automatically with anyone who you have sent gmail to. Any secret or anonymous messages are no longer hidden from prying eyes. People will know who you wrote to and how often. The initial version allowed people to automatically follow and connect without being asked. Google has since made some adjustments to allow for more privacy. The service immediately had massive traffic, and many prying eyes looking into others affairs.

For the suspicious spouse, the service if a boon. For those hiding affairs or desiring discreet communication, the service is a MAJOR threat. Bear in mind that Google’s CEO, considers privacy an evil thing. (”If you have something that you don’t want anyone to know, maybe you shouldn’t be doing it in the first place.“). This attitude is potentially dangerous. If you are hiding from a jealous spouse or a stalking spouse,  or rapist these threats to privacy are a threat to your security as well. If you are secretly preparing to leave a dangerous person, you will not be able to as easily as in previous years.

Google Buzz is a powerful, yet dangerous tool. It can hurt those who use it in ways they may have never imagined. Knowing of its existence and potential dangers is important in dealing with the many issues associated with affairs.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey D. Murrah

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One of the misnomers in society is “gentleman’s clubs”. Such establishments are not oriented toward traditional gentlemen (one having manners, morals and good character) by any means. The atmosphere is often filled with activity which masks the loneliness that many patrons are seeking to overcome.

The environment is one that encourages gratification of sensual desires. The temptations present are often beyond what many men and some women can resist. The whole environment is designed to arouse and stimulate. Even the ‘fancier’ clubs, with the brass fixtures make it look like a reputable place, yet the damage done to marriages in such places is often staggering. The stimulation encourages people to be aroused by sexuality rather than by enjoying their spouse’s company. Such clubs often damage the spirit of the marriage, even when people are not aware of what they have done.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey D. Murrah

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Like peanut butter and jelly, affairs and gossip often go hand in hand. The danger with gossip is that in situations where an affair did not happen, gossip can make it appear as if there was one. Gossip can create an affair out of thin air. It can create a compromising situation where none existed before.

On hearing news of an affair, it is important to consider the source and what was actually said. One of the things that leads to gossip (besides jealousy) is poor listening. When people do not listen closely, they do not hear what is being said clearly. The message that was only half-heard is then ’shared’ with others, leading to mis-communication. As simple as it sounds, just listening to what the facts are and what actually was said often helps. Rather than jump to conclusions or using words with double-meanings, listen to what was actually said and CONSIDER the source. Oftentimes the person who is the source of the material has issues. Those issues will need to be considered in the context of the gossip. Consider “What reason would they have to tell me this?” , “How do they benefit from this?”, “Do they have a reputation for telling the truth?”, “Have they spread rumors before?”

Best Regards,

Jeffrey D. Murrah

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In posing the question, as to whether a person is vulnerable to infidelity, the short answer is “yes!“. In many ways, everyone is a potential infidel. No one is immune from an affair. The longer and more detailed answer also provides some insights. There are some common attributes that increase the susceptibility of one toward having an affair. These items include:

1. Lack of self-confidence

2. Has unment emotional needs.

3. Has a desire or need to be in control.

4. Has been disappointed with intimate relationships.

5. Feels hopeless.

6. Is tired (physically, emotionally or spiritually)

7. Is in pain (physically, emotionally or spiritually)

8. Lives an ‘overextended’, overcommitted or stretched lifestyle.

9. Has an addictive personality, that always needs or craves stimulation.

10. Often fantasizes about affairs.

These are 10 of the qualities which make a person more vulnerable to affairs. There are more factors, yet these ten communicate the basic ideas.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey D. Murrah

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If the advertising media are to be believed, anyone with big boobs or being well-endowed will insure happiness and pleasure throughout their days. The fantasy is that once these bodily changes are made that your life will improve. Such fantasies are unsubstantiated. The advertising fuels dissatisfaction with one’s body, and questions about one’s own body image and those of their spouse.

In order to reduce the danger of affairs it is important to realize that these ads are fueled by fantasies and that those fantasies are unrealistic. The whole presupposition is based on on a ’sex is the most important thing in life’ mentality. When we are sad or lonely, it is easy to fall prey to such thinking. Recognize that such thinking is dangerous to your mental health and to your marriage. Rather than seeking after the big boobs or big bulge that others have, the better course is to take the time, money and attention that were spent on such matters and redirect it to your marriage. Work at improving the relationship with your wife or husband. The largest sex organ is the brain and learning to point it in the right direction will do you more good than in the enhancement of other appendages.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey D. Murrah

affairs and big boobs, affairs and big bulges, bog boobs, enhancement and happiness, enhancement products and marraige, Rebuilding the relationship, Reducing the Risk

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Stalkers, like other control game freaks, often want more and more control. In some cases that stalker gains enough power over the victim to where there is a blackmail situation. The fear of the secrets getting out is so great that people are put into compromising situations. Secrets often go hand in hand with affairs. The more powerful the secret, the more exciting the affair. When a stalker has control, they have managed to leverage the power of the secret and use that power to exploit the victim. In some cases, the information may be a threat to expose the affair. In other cases, the victim is exploited into having an affair with the stalker. Either way, the effects are devastating.

One of the dangers of blackmail is that is seldom ever ends. The secret continues being used to leverage more. More sex, more money, more secrets, the cycle never ends. Those people with more money, popularity, etc  are more vulnerable to stalkers who want to leverage what they have learned. Whatever their motives, they use fear as a powerful motivation to manipulate the victim. I have also seen this used with persons caught up in the sex trade and swingers lifestyle who wish to leave, yet are trapped by threats of being exposed or used against them in divorce courts.

It is not beyond stalkers and blackmailers to set up traps for their victims. They often operate on a hunting-type mentality that seeks to ensnare and exploit their prey. They are not interested in loving them, only in using them. If you are in one of these situations, it is important that you come up with an escape plan and do it quickly. These situations do not improve over time, they only worsen and the stakes grown greater.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey Murrah

affairs and blackmail, affairs and swingers, dealing with stalkers, Reducing the Risk, sex trade, stalkers and affairs, swingers, Understanding Affairs

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How does one deal with stalkers?

Stalkers are not often amenable to logic of discussing things rationally. Since they are often driven by emotions, the use of rational thinking with them is of limited use. You may feel better by trying to talk rationally with them, but it will do little to change their behaviors. In dealing with such people, you will need to stop the nice guy/nice girl approach.

1. Set firm limits. You need boundaries that are firm and clear. This is important for you and to send a message to the stalker. Know what you will and will not tolerate.

2. Be willing to call the police or other agency in maintaining your boundaries.

3. Limit your contact and communication with them. When you do communicate, limit it to one word ‘yes’ or ‘no’ responses. They will often attempt to engage you in interactions. Resist the temptation to explain yourself or elaborate on your communications.

4. It is better to be safe than sorry. With this in mind, use precautions when you travel.  Debug your computer and phones.  If necessary, do not travel alone or venture into high risk situations.

5. Find friend who you can talk to about what is happening. At times you may feel trapped if you do not use your friends and relationships to cope with what is occurring. Stalkers often want their victim to feel isolated and alone. It is important to stay engaged in relationships with your support system.

6. Let go of the idea that you ‘need’ to talk with them.

7. Be firm in saying ‘no’. No needs to mean no.

These are some simple guidelines that will help you deal with stalkers.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey D. Murrah

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