In the chaotic days after finding out about an affair, there is often a desire to ‘take revenge’ on the adulterer. Revenge does little to repair the relationship. When in the midst of pain, the thought of revenge is tempting. Taking revenge will inflict pain on one’s spouse, it will provide a release of negative emotions, but it will not bring healing. Revenge only brings more hurt. Fighting a hurt by inflicting more hurt is not good logic nor does it provide any emotional healing to the relationship.
The desire to inflict hurt takes on many shapes. There may be a desire to inflict physical pain, emotional pain or both. Punishing the adulterer, changes the focus to pain, rather than focusing on healing or relationship building.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
cheating and hurt, pain and infidelity, Rebuilding the relationship, revenge and affairs, Understanding AffairsIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
In many ways, revenge is an extended anger. Healthy anger is intense and short lived. It is usually triggered by threats or frustrations. These same two elements, threat and frustration play a key role in understanding revenge. If you are seeking revenge, one of the ways needs to overcome it is to understand what triggered the revenge. Is the revenge in response to a threat or a frustration? Being able to discern which type of trigger started the revenge is important in defusing the revenge. In most cases, the revenge is powered by thoughts we have about the situation rather than the situation itself. When you realize that it is not the person, or the paramour that is giving you the most grief and recognize it is your own thoughts and mind, then you can begin taking steps to changing how you think about the situation and defuse the revenge. It will take practice and time to do this, bu tit does work
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
affairs, cheating, cheating husband, cheating wife, dealing with a cheating husband, Dealing with a cheating wife, frustration, infidelity, Rebuilding the relationship, revenge and affairs, self talk, taking revenge for cheating, two types of anger, Understanding AffairsIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
