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Selfishness, plain and simple is a big factor with affairs. The infidel and their lover seek self-gratification. The gratification they seek is often quick, impulsive and without much thought. Although attempts at rationalizing their actions with “I deserve some happiness”, “God never intended me to be miserable”, “They did it first”, “They don’t understand” or “I am only human” are used as excuses, they do not improve the situation. Such excuses do not consider the impact of the choices on their families, communities and values.I have also seen cases where those involved in the affair believed that they were better or smarter than other people. They believed they were entitled to indulge in such illicit acts with impunity.

Even though they attribute the stigmas associated with affairs to Christianity or organized religion, the stigma of affairs existed in societies before Christianity changed cultures. These cultures knew back then, it was selfishness, pure and simple. Even in Scotland, the stigma associated with affairs existed among the tribal cultures before the organized church moved in. Even prior to the giving of the Mosaic law, the practice of adultery was frowned upon.

What adulterers do not consider is that once the damage is done to the family, community and values, it cannot be undone. Adulterous acts can be forgiven, but they cannot be undone. People are more accepting of instances where someone was drugged, tricked or forced into affairs than those situations where the parties knowingly gave into their impulsive desires.

Yes, it is difficult delaying gratification of desires. It is important to delay such gratification than to indulge in impulsive acts that often have an extremely long tail which often stretches across generations.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey D. Murrah

affairs before Christianity, Affairs before the mosaic law, History of Affairs, selfishness and affairs, Understanding Affairs

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Many of the country colloquialisms have a way of speaking the plain truth. In the modern age there are many terms and phrases that are used to justify ‘having an affair’. Terms like self-fulfillment, self-gratification, “She completes me”, “I deserve to be happy”, “I feel like a whole new man”, etc.. When a parent has an affair, it is just plain selfishness, no matter what kind of smooth talking terms are used. This is especially apparent on holidays, when the infidel wants to enjoy the holiday with their special person and don’t give a rip how it inconveniences their children and other family members. The infidel is too caught up in making themselves happy, even when it leaves others emotionally devastated. When the infidel marries, they bring a sure source of misery into the family.

What makes it really bad, is that every holiday season or birthday, the family is reminded again of the whole affair.  Emotions are dragged through the pain every time they see the infidel and their partner. Although they are happy, no one else is. The infidel often puts pressure on family members to accept their paramour and be happy as well. The more pressure, the more misery.

In my own family, I endured these episodes. The infidel parents want the kids to talk to them, although any discussion of the affair or how they feel about it is OFF LIMITS. The infidel parent is only interested in their loneliness, horniness, pain, etc. They are oblivious when it comes to how their actions leave their children devastated.

In trying to make sense of the situation, all the talk about how they deserve to be happy and life is too short not to be happy, they are adults, blah, blah, blah. An old timer would be able to cut through all the talk and call it like it is…”It’s just plain selfishness”.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey Murrah

Affairs and Children, affairs and the holidays, justifying affairs, selfishness and affairs

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Affairs are often painted by its proponents as being  between “consenting adults”, or as “a victimless crime”. Those attempting to excuse affairs often find any excuse they can, from anthropology research regarding various primitive tribes, polls taken in Men’s/Women’s magazines to the questionable Kinsey research. What the research, polls, and observations fail to report is the effect on children. They also do not report how an affair impacts those surrounding the infidel and their family. The infidel is often so focused on self-gratification or the needs of the tempter/temptress they ignore the needs of their own family in the process. They may ask questions about “What about my needs?/desires/wants in order to mentally excuse their actions. Such questions only reveal the level of confusion they are experiencing. The act of infidelity begins a ripple effect that touches many more people than just the parties involved. It effects the abilitly of those around them to trust them. It sends the message that ’selfishness’ is ok. It sends the message that your own gratification takes priority over reputation or honor.

I am still pondering which comes first, the making of excuses, that justify the ‘me first’ mentality or the affair. What is clear is that the two go hand in hand. If you or your spouse has the ‘me first’ mentality, danger is around the corner.

Best Regards,

Jeff Murrah

magazine polls, me first. its all about me and affairs, selfishness and affairs, the thinking of an adulterer, Understanding Affairs

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