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Years ago, the prophet Moses stated “Be sure your sins will find you out”. I was reminded of this over the Thanksgiving holidays. During this time, I reviewed photo albums. I was surprised at how revealing that photos were. Family conflicts and crises can not be hidden. Photos capture our non-verbal gestures which often give away underlying issues. With an uncanny accuracy, marriages that were in danger could clearly be identified by the non-verbal gestures captures on film.
Although people often attempt to dismiss the non-verbal gestures, tics and slips, they often reveal a reality of unment needs and desires. It is as if they reveal a hidden language. In some of the family get-togethers over the holiday, I saw many warning signs of problems. I often wonder, “Can’t they see this?” “It is so obvious!”. The reality is many people do not see the signals or either do not want to see them. This is especially true with infidelity or cheating. The signals are there, yet couples (and family members) often ignore, dismiss or joke about the signals rather than deal with them. Although the details of events may be a well-kept secret, the prescence of the affair is not.
Cues that involve eye contact, hand gestures, jokes, behavior sequences, and distance are some of the signals that provide clues as to what is going on in their psychic world. The cheater may act like everything is normal, yet the body reveals the truth of their existence.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
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Many times the signs and symptoms of an affair are visible. An expression in counseling is that “a person can not not communicate”. There are always signals and non-verbal signs of behaviors. There may be oddities that you notice in their behavior. Many spouses do not mention these items or question them but rather instead write them off as “a bad day”, “coincidence” or some other excuse. By ignoring these matters, it turns a blind eye to the affair. Instead of ignoring the signs, learn to ask questions. When your spouse distances themselves from you, be willing to ask them about it, instead of excusing it. If it were your teen and the issue was drug abuse you would look for warning signs. If it was cancer, you would look for warning signs, yet with affairs, the warning signs are often ignored. Instead of ignoring the truth, explore the truth.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
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Automobiles often have lights on the dashboard that alert you to malfunctions going on with the vehicle. These lights are often termed “idiot lights” by those who work on cars. The lights often go on when things are ‘bad’. Had the early warning signs been attended to, the problem would have been fixed before it became a major repair.
Likewise, relationships have signals that let people know when there are problems. Ignoring these signals can lead to major problems. Some people are very blind to signals that indicate there is ‘trouble’. What are some of these signals?
1. Your spouse increases the physical distance from you on a regular basis.
2. Your spouse is very secretive about how they spend their mone.
3. Your spouse maintains a seperate banking account.
4. Your spouse has bills mailed to the office, rather than the home.
5. Your spouse keeps a spare set of clothes in their vehicle.
6. Your spouse is secretive about their cell phone.
7. Your spouse maintains strict vigilance regarding computer access to their passwords and e-mail accounts.
8. Your spouse is always texting or e-mailing people.
9. Your spouse is suddenly interested in getting fit when there has not been a health crisis.
10. Your spouse changes their cologne or the way they wear their hair for some unexplained reason.
11. Your spouse violates limits with persons of the opposite sex, and dismisses it as ‘nothing’.
12. Your spouse claims that you are imaging things.
This is only a partial list. If one or two items show up, it may be nothing major. If you have three or more of these—RED ALERT! You need to take immediate action.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
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As technology changes, the main indicator of cheating or infidelity changes as well. According to family lawyers in Britain, the #1 sign of infidelity is now ‘excessive texting’. Previously it was working late. Now the main tell tale sign of cheating is excessive texting on the cell phone. With the new technology, infidels have found new ways of conducting their clandestine activities. Cell phones may soon play a major role in sexual addictions as well. Many sexual addicts are now loading pictures and short films into their cell phones. So not only does one need to investigate the text messages, but they need to also check the photos and flicks contained on the cell phone as well.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
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