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One aspect of affairs which presents challenges is that of stalking. Stalking is not limited to the lover as portrayed in “Fatal Attraction”. Stalking can occur with the infidel, the lover or the resolute spouse. For the victims of the stalking, the experience often carries with it many mixed emotions. They may find themselves attracted to portions of the stalker, yet be repulsed by other aspects. The stalker may be charming at times and at other times a terror. The victim may actually love an earlier version of the stalker, yet find themselves ‘vicitmized’ by the person the stalker has become.
The first two hurdles necessary to face when dealing with stalking are:
1. Realize that any party in the affair or associated with it may become a stalker. It is not limited to the infidel-lover-resolute spouse. It may the the spouse of the lover, a jealous boyfriend/girlfriend, a child of one of the parties involved with the affair or a parent of one of the parties involved. In modern culture, there are times that siblings stalk and hunt down the lover of their family member or the family member themselves. In some communities there may be religiously driven persons who stalk down those associated with the affair. Since they are driven by religion, they are often zealous in their efforts and justify them by thinking that they are doing it for their deity. Such behavior was common in America in the 20’s and 30’s when groups like the Ku Klux Klan hunted down adulterers with fervor. Whether the Klan or honor killers, the same self-righteous justification of their stalking (more like hunting and killing) is present.
2. It is important to call stalking what it is. Although the stalker may justify their actions by saying they are ‘obsessive’ or that they are just passionate about what they are doing or the person they claim to be concerned with. When you see frequent drive-bys, frequent phone calls on a daily basis (10 or more), following the person, using phones or the internet to track their movements, or hiring third parties to ‘hunt’ down the person for you, these are all forms of stalking (hunting). It is important to call stalking what it is, whatever the motivation and reason for doing it.
I will address more on stalking and ways of dealing with it in future posts.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
cheaters and stalking, familial stalking, honor killings, religious stalking, stalking and affairs, Understanding AffairsIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Being stalked in unnerving. What used to consists of driving by a persons home or place of business has become high tech. Presently there are methods of tracking what is typed on a computer keyboard, where a car travels to, and where a person is by means of the GPS in their phones. Although such inventions are useful for private eyes and families dealing with drug abuse problems, they are potentially dangerous when used in stalking.
Since stalking can be done by a spouse who is concerned with their spouses potentially wayward behavior, or by a lover who is obsessed with the adulterer, or even by the adulterer who is obsessed with the lover, there are many variations of this scenario. The many spy stores now in existence offer whole lines of products for such purposes and more for the truly creative minds. There are also a wide variety of such products on the internet in the form of either hardware or software. With all this technology, engaging in clandestine relationships suddenly becomes very dangerous. If you are considering an affair, it is imperative that you have some knowledge of these dangers.
Some tips in dealing with stalking:
1. Do not allow others to use your cellphone for extended periods outside of your site.
2. Know what is supposed to be and not be in your cars engine area.
3. Pay attention to the cars around you when you are driving.
4. Do not lend out your computer or passwords carelessly.
5. Pay attention to the conversations of those you are with, noting any patterns that would indicate obsessive behaviors.
6. Use caution when going out for the evening or going to or from work.
7. Do not advertise your home address.
8. Be careful with the use or borrowing of charge cards.
9. Be careful with the material posted on social network pages.
10. Be careful with what is sent via text messages on cell phones.
Although these may seem to be common sense, when in the midst of a relationship, people do not often practice common sense behaviors.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
affairs and stalking, cheating and stalking dangers, dealing with stalking, stalking and affairs, stalking and cell phones, stalking and computers, Understanding AffairsIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
One of the hidden dangers with affairs is that of stalking. Affairs and stalking often go hand in hand. The resolute spouse often stalks the wayward spouse to find out their whereabouts and activities. Add to that the possibility of an obsessive lover who stalks their counterpart. At times the obsessive lover is the paramour and at times it is the adulterous spouse. Irregardless of who is stalking and who is being stalked, the affair often turns into a game of cat and mouse. The danger adds to the adrenalin rush which brings a tinge of excitement to what is already a forbidden relationship. The stalking element adds a cloak and dagger element to an already shady arrangement. When the adulterer has lied about their marital status or family status, an element of deception makes the whole situation one where those involved are never sure of the true status of relationships or where they stand.
The person stalking often considers their target as undeserving. Since they view the target as undeserving, there is a sense of one-upmanship on the part of the stalker. At first the stalking is about knowing where people are and what they are doing. It often progresses beyond that into a vouyeristic challenge, where traps are set and the lurid details are sought after. The victim of the stalking often feels violated and suspicious. They wonder if they are being paranoid with their suspicions.
The question arises, “How do I know I am being stalked?” Here are 10 signs that you are being stalked:
1. Repeated intrusive and frightening communications. These may be either emails of telephone calls. It often starts with unknown numbers and progresses beyond that.
2. Repeated leaving of unwanted items, presents, or flowers.
3. Being followed by the stalker or ‘conveniently running into them’ at places such as home, school, work, or place of recreation.
4. Strange calls or letters to children, relatives, or friends.
5. Damaging or threatening to damage the victim’s property.
6. Being harrased through the internet. This includes hacking, questionable material or comments posted to social sites, etc.
7. Posting information and/or spreading rumors about the victim. This may be on the internet, in a public place, the workplace or by word of mouth.This would also include the posting of embarrassing photos.
8. Obtaining personal information about the victim. This is done throug accessing public records such as internet search services, hiring private investigators, going through the victim’s garbage, following the victim, contacting victim’s friends, family work, or neighbors, etc.
9. The stalker often knows where you were when you did not tell them.
10. The stalker often drives by your residence or place of business.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
cheating and stalking, Rebuilding the relationship, Signs of Stalking, stalking and affairs, Understanding AffairsIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Stalking and spying on your spouse have now been taken to a new level. Software is now available and accessible to the public which allows someone to turn cellphones into listening devices. In a story from Channel 6 News of Tulsa, Oklahoma, a victim was stalked for three years with this technology. During that time, she was harassed by her stalker knowing more about her and her location than she wanted him to know. Finally discovering how he was able to do it was alarming. Even more alarming was the discovery that at present, there are no laws preventing such actions from occurring with others.
Not only can the microphones on cellphones be turned on and listened to, so can the text messages. This new advance in software makes cell phones potentially dangerous when in comes to affairs. If you are involved with a woman like the one in “Fatal Attraction”, who stalked and terrorized her victim the software can bring with it nightmarish situations. If you are a spouse who is determined to find out what your partner is up to, such software will open up a “Brave New World” of information to you.
If you are considering having an affair, the cell phone is no longer your trusted friend. The cell phone can be used against you, and since there are few laws against the use of such software, there are no legal roadblacks to prevent such “phone stalking” from occurring. The technology beings a new appreciation to George Orwell’s saying, “Big Brother is watching!”. In this case, he is listening and reading text messages as well.
If you are the resolute spouse who is considering such software, it is important to consider that although new worlds of information will be available, there is also a tremendous amount of damage inflicted on trust in the relationship. Using such software will remove whatever trust once existed. The technology brings great relationship dangers with it when employed in a marriage or family. If you were thinking of using it on your teen, such an action has the potential of bringing great danger with it as well.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
phone stalking, Resources, software that allows yo to listen to cell phones, stalking and affairs, stalking and cheating, Tulsa Oklahoma, using cell phones to spyIf you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
