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When couples begin working on their relationship, one of the potential dangers is that of suffocation. By suffocation, I am referring to emotional suffocation. Although the intentions may be honorable, the act of suffocation is always dangerous to relationships. Although there are times those doing the suffocating do not realize what they are doing, there are cases where they do realize what they are doing, although they do not realize how damaging it is.

The suffocation occurs more often than people realize in relationships where there have been affairs. Such couples often go from one extreme to another. They go from ignoring their spouse, to the other extreme of being obsessed with them, to the point of suffocation. Both extremes are dangerous.

In your efforts at reconnecting with your spouse, you may be suffocating them. Some of the signs of emotional suffocation include:

1. Your spouse makes frequent references to ‘needing their space’.

2. You feel that you must always be physically near your spouse out of a fear of loosing them.

3.  You consistently send text messages to them throughout the day, day after day.

4. You are in danger of trouble at work due to being on the phone or cell phone with them all the time.

5. You never let your spouse call you or initiate contact with you.

6. You feel that you must know where your spouse is at all times, along with who they are with.

7. You find yourself doing things out of ‘fear’ rather than out of love.

8. When you can’t reach your spouse you call five or more of their friends or family members in an attempt to reach your spouse on a routine basis.

9. You drive by your spouses work place or residence several times a day.

10. You think in terms of he/she MUST do this because they are my spouse.

If you find yourself routinely doing several of these items, there may be some suffocation going on. You need to find a healthy amount of space in the relationship.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey Murrah

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