“What to do after discovering your wife’s affair”

There’s something refreshing about straight forward questions. They get right to the main point without dancing around, making excuses or taking me down rabbit trails.

A hurting husband asked, “My wife had an affair for a year. What do I do?” He’s hurting and wants a clear answer.

Some people’s first thought is to immediately recommend he leave his wife. You can’t trust a woman who’s been unfaithful. End of story, right?

The first thing you need to do is ‘take a deep breath.’

When you start breathing again, your improved breath delivers oxygen to your brain which helps you think clearly. Getting a clear head is a good beginning.

Your wife’s infidelity is a betrayal of your marriage vows. This discovery must have rocked every fiber of your being and put a tremendous strain on the trust in your relationship, which is why you’re asking this question now.

Whether or not it was intended, the infidelity is an attack on your manhood. It feels like a rejection of you down to your core being. During such times, you mind races about what to do.

As long as you stay in panic mode, you’ll find yourself having knee-jerk reactions and taking blind swings.

I know that many of you are going to want to punch something. The urge is so strong it’s overwhelming, but I’m begging you not to give in to the temptation.

Kicking her out or lashing out at her will give you a fast emotional release, but doesn’t solve anything.

Another good early step is getting down on your knees and praying about your situation BEFORE taking action. You need a clear heart as well as a clear head.

A HUGE mistake many husbands make are hunting down and lashing out. It’s natural that you feel that way. You were betrayed and want something done! You want to feel some control over the situation and your life at that moment.

But will taking revenge make you feel good in the long run? I don’t think so. Will it change a thing? Nope!

Your mind takes off on its own at times. This is where knowing too many details making it harder to stop your obsessive thinking. The more details you know about what she did, the more you’ll obsess and fantasize. This is one reason I discourage focusing on what kind of an affair it was at this point.

Focusing on what kind of affair it was at this point puts a greater emotional wedge between the two of you at a time the two of you need each other. You can either pull apart from each other or grow closer at this moment. You can’t do both.

One temptation you’ll experience is the desire for paybacks. Giving into that urge only turns into a cycle of hurting each other. Hurting each other only spreads the damage.

Its’ natural that you experience jealousy and rage. What’s important is how you handle it.

Instead of hurting each other, its’ more important that you listen and understand them. This doesn’t mean you agree with them, only that you understand them.

At this point, taking care of yourself is a priority. The healthier you are, the better your functioning is. I start with breathing since that’s a good starting point.

In my video on “Moving Past the Affair Crisis“, I address in greater detail what needs to be done after discovering an affair, along with what to avoid. How you deal with your discovery shapes the direction your marriage will go.

Your choices and actions determine your next step and where your marriage is headed. After going through the video, you’ll gain clarity on whether or not it’s time for a marriage counselor.

You’ll have a better idea on whether the two of your can work it out together between yourselves or if you need some outside help. You need clarity before taking action. Action without focus is meaningless and gets you nowhere.

Click and download your copy today. Get some clear answers to the questions you’re asking yourself.

Keeping It Real,

Jeff

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