--- title: "The Unnatural Tensions and Loyalties After an Affair" description: "Affairs create unnatural tensions and loyalty issues, especially in blended families. Learn how to navigate these no-win situations and protect your relationships." url: "https://surviveyourpartnersaffair.com/the-unnatural-tensions-and-loyalties-after-an-affair" published: "2024-09-20T12:00:00Z" authors: ["Jeff Murrah, LPC, LCDC, CMNCS"] categories: ["Affair Relapse","Affairs and Popular Culture"] --- # The Unnatural Tensions and Loyalties After an Affair Affairs create unnatural tensions in blended families—loyalty issues, tough choices, and no-win situations. Here’s how to navigate through the mess and find a path forward. ![A vibrant, abstract painting of a couple standing close together, with the man gently holding the woman's hand as he leans in toward her. The woman has a thoughtful expression, while the colorful, bold strokes around them evoke a mix of emotions, symbolizing the complexity of love, loyalty, and tension in relationships after an affair.](https://surviveyourpartnersaffair.com/assets/uploads/aa8e2151c6b30207c3b4f5a2772c1872.png) Growing up, my grandmother used to say, **“It ain’t natural,”** when describing situations she believed went against the natural order of things. At the time, this advice seemed too simple, too vague. As a kid in the sixties and seventies, I dismissed it, thinking it wasn’t relevant to the changing times. Back then, people would say things like, **“It’s 1973”** and go ahead and do whatever they wanted, natural or not. Progress, right? But as time passed, I realized **there was wisdom** behind those words: **“It ain’t natural.”** If I had listened to that advice, I could have avoided a lot of the stress and complications that come with **unnatural situations**. ### The Unnatural Tensions in Blended Families After an Affair One area where that advice would’ve saved me a lot of heartache is in **blended families affected by affairs**. When an affair breaks up a blended family, it creates a tangled web of tensions and loyalty issues that are far from natural. It’s a messy situation that puts pressure on already fragile relationships. **Who should you be loyal to?** Who do you prioritize? Affairs are bad enough on their own, but in blended families, the impact is even more pronounced. Weak loyalties and **existing wounds** in these families intensify the fallout. It’s unnatural for a step-parent to suddenly deal with the aftermath of an affair they had nothing to do with. It’s unnatural for kids to feel torn between their biological parent and step-parent. Grandparents watching their child’s family fall apart? That’s unnatural too. And when another affair enters the picture, it adds **fuel to the fire**, making it even harder to navigate the hurt and tension. You’re now dealing with people who were already wounded — people grappling with new feelings of rejection and abandonment. ### Navigating the No-Win Situations Then there’s the problem of how to **disclose the affair to the children**. This is another unnatural situation, one that puts you at odds with your parental instincts. You and the person who cheated might disagree on whether to tell the kids. **Do you tell the truth and risk hurting them?** Or do you lie and destroy any trust they had in you? There’s no winning in this situation. The affair has put your marriage in a complicated position. Now, you’re in an unnatural bind, dealing with stress and tension no parent should ever have to experience. You love your children, but now there are **limits to what you can do and say**. It’s a no-win nightmare, and it leaves you feeling powerless. ### No Good Choices In situations like this, there are **no good options**. The choices you once had are gone. Like my dad used to say, **“I’ve looked at the options, and they all suck.”** Even simple decisions turn into impossible challenges. - **Do you do what’s morally right?** - **Do you try to save your marriage?** - **Do you keep the peace in the family?** - **Do you speak the truth and deal with the fallout?** Some problems just don’t have solutions. **Unsolvable problems are more stressful than solvable ones.** Sometimes, the best you can do is find a situation you can live with. The hard truth is that some situations won’t have happy endings. And when you’re caught in that kind of unnatural bind, you need a place to **vent and work through it**. ### You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone If you’re facing the fallout of an affair and the **unnatural tensions and loyalties** it creates, you don’t have to navigate this alone. I now have some availability in my schedule for consultations. Email me at [Jeff@RestoreTheFamily.com](mailto:jeff@restorethefamily.com) for times and rates. When you’re trapped in a situation that feels unnatural and overwhelming, **getting support can make all the difference.**