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My mission, as a therapist at ‘Survive Your Partner’s Affair’ and ‘Restore The Family’, is to help you recover from the pain of an affair. I am committed to helping both partners in such cases heal their wounds so that they can move on together; this conviction stems from years of working with couples who have been through affairs.
You may have struggled to find help that helps you heal your wounds so that you can move on together.
An affair does not need to mean the end of your marriage- it doesn’t even need to ruin your family! It all depends on how each partner acts after being betrayed by one another: whether or not they take responsibility, make changes necessary for healing old hurts (both individually and within themselves), and communicate openly about what happened without blame or shame.
When your counselor considers the affair a positive experience, you know you’re in trouble.
Affairs are often the manifestation of long-term problems (so one partner’s affair doesn’t necessarily mean there was something missing in that person’s life, as is commonly assumed). For example: A husband might have feelings for another woman without telling his wife about them because he doesn’t know how to communicate openly.
Marriage was designed to be a place of security and healing. When unhealthy thinking and behavior creep into your marriage, it changes from a place of love to one that brings hurt at its best for those involved. This is not what you want!
What started as an oasis becomes barren with the knowledge of infidelity in the relationship; all our beautiful memories are tainted by this heinous act against ourselves or another partner whose trust we have violated. You’re not helpless though- I’m here to help guide you through how awful things can get when there’s been cheating in your marriage/relationship, but even more importantly: on restoring what has been lost because nobody deserves this kind of betrayal twice over.”
I share my experiences from working with hundreds of couples over the years and offer personal insights that will hopefully get you through your struggle as smoothly as possible.
You’re not alone.
I’m here to help you move past your affair and heal your marriage so that you can become a better spouse: more understanding, kinder, and more compassionate with yourself and others, with the knowledge that no matter what hardships you’ve been through, you have the power within yourself to get over anything.
I believe in marriage and want to help people who have been affected by an affair; it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed!
This will let you know about me, my experiences, and how they can help you.
As a teenager, I experienced firsthand how infidelity devastates families. When my own family experienced a parental affair, it triggered a series of bitter fighting, secrets, and inner turmoil that rippled through the extended family, community, and even our local church. I was scared. I wanted to play the cool guy with my peers, even though part of me knew I was hurting on the inside. My actions led me to lose friends.
The affair left scars and hurt along the way. No one who came in contact with it was untouched in some way.
I saw my family fragment before my eyes and felt helpless in doing anything to stop it. I couldn’t control or stop what was happening. I felt worthless. I was scared of the emotional torture that kept taking place time and again in my life.
The joy that each holiday, birthday, and accomplishment was supposed to bring was quickly poisoned by the ‘hurt that never stops hurting’ in the form of the affair, subsequent divorce, and remarriage of my parents.
My journey through the land of affairs took me through episodes involving children’s protective services (CPS), domestic abuse, spying, phone taps, legal fights, the use of informants, and secret-keeping. I’ve seen how ‘out of control’ things become.
I know that what you’re going through is the worst feeling of your life.
I’m here to help you get back on track and find peace in your relationship again so that it thrives for years to come!
All those experiences made it a scary nightmare where I wondered which parent I’d be living with and guarding everything I said. It felt like navigating a minefield where one false move could blow things up.
I’ve no use for experts who excuse affairs by telling you that it’s “just between adults”. I learned firsthand that affairs impact MORE, much MORE than just the misbehaving adults involved. The cheaters played while everyone else suffered.
It is not accidental that in going through an affair you use the metaphor of a nuclear bomb in describing the impact, radioactive fallout, and devastation.
It took time and patience to rebuild trust on both sides of the family – it’s never the same as it was before!
The ugly episode continued getting uglier over the years rather than better. At its ugliest, there were threats of murder, illegal drug use, and attempted suicides within the family.
What made it worse was that many so-called friends avoided talking to me, and I was often left facing painful situations alone. It felt like I had the ‘affair germs’ and those friends did not want to be infected.
Even at school and church, those who I thought were friends, kept their distance. I was an outcast at school, church, and the local community.
When there are few people who want to be around you, even to just talk about what happened, it makes it awfully lonely carrying all the anger, hurt, and confusion on the inside.
I understand more about affairs and why others avoided me now, but at the time, it was painful. I wrestled with the inner struggles and outer struggles that each of these issues brought.
I was determined to learn from what I experienced and not make those same mistakes in my own life and marriage.
In my mind, marriages, and families shouldn’t have to go through such experiences. Sure, there were shows like the ‘Brady Bunch’ that made it tolerable, but real-life affairs and blended families weren’t like that.
My path eventually led to becoming a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor (LCDC).
This gives me the ability to share and help others get through a wide range of pains and hurts. It allowed me to minister to others who were facing experiences similar to what I experienced. It’s my conviction that “affairs don’t have to end marriages and break up families“.
I spent the next years working with families and individuals in a variety of settings and situations. These settings included general hospitals, mental health hospitals, drug rehabs, homeless shelters, outpatient clinics, in-home visitation, foster care, public school settings, residential treatment facilities, churches, and private practice.
Having worked across such a wide variety of settings, my history gives me a range of experiences to draw from in helping you and other families.
I know what the obstacles to good relationships are and ways of removing them. My approach is founded on proven Biblical principles in understanding marriages and families.
Those principles combined with experience along with discoveries and approaches from neuropsychology have been foundational in developing my “Direct Connect” methods used in the books, webinars, and resources.
The “Direct Connect” method takes healing deeper by connecting your head with your heart. One is often out of sync with the other, which contributes to the affair problems.
This method also bypasses many mental defenses that flare up with affairs.
When out of sync, the head or the heart are each off doing their own thing, leaving you feeling disconnected and crazy.
Reconnecting your head and heart is critical in recovery from affairs.
After over forty years experience of in helping others through the pain of affairs and family issues, it’s time to share those lessons with you.
I bring together personal experience and research to help you and your family navigate through your crises from the affair to dealing with the trauma and preventing relapse.
Over the years, thousands of families have benefited from the lessons learned from going through these experiences. Find out how I can help you and your marriage relationship.
I understand how you want to be careful who you let into the most personal of relationships of your marriage. You should be. Letting the wrong people into that intimate circle brings disaster.
I was one of the first counselors who saw the potential impact of reaching out with help on the Internet. My initial counseling website contained articles on family, and parenting issues (www.RestoreTheFamily.com) and has been around since 1999.
Yes, that means that I have been helping people on the internet for over 17 years, through articles, and ebooks, and being an early pioneer in the area of using telephone and online counseling.
A second site focusing specifically on helping couples save their marriages and recover from affairs (www.SurviveYourPartnersAffair.com) was added in 2006. My use of technology in counseling led to a presentation at the Texas Association of Marriage and Family Therapists on using technology to better help clients.
I worked as a Christian Counselor with Rapha for nine years prior to going into private practice. My departure was due to my own choice of wanting to go into private practice. When I left, it was on extremely good terms.
Unlike some counselors who are still searching for answers as to what their values are and what they believe, I spent many years working that out and know where I stand on issues related to marriage and the family.
I also know how my approach fits with Biblical principles, brain functioning, and relationship dynamics.
My private practice work has included being invited to speak from the pulpit at churches in Houston, Pasadena, La Porte, and Gonzales, Texas.
I know that what you believe, and what your counselor believes about marriage are important for your healing. The church I grew up at in Pasadena had used the slogan “It does make a difference what you believe“. After 35+ years of helping others, I see the truth of that statement clearer now than back then.
In addition to counseling, I have also taught psychology courses at two campuses of San Jacinto College and conducted parenting classes at the Star of Hope homeless shelter in Houston, Texas.
These experiences working with people and teaching, and integrating Biblical truths with psychological insights have provided a broad knowledge base that I share with people through articles, e-books, and blog posts on family and marriage-related issues. These articles now have an international distribution.
My work has been featured on Wall Street Journal Radio and the Larry Elder Show. I have also been approached by television networks, including the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN) about doing shows dealing with affairs involving clients, and their success stories.
I declined them due to sensitivity and personal ethical concerns associated with public exposure and affairs (yes, I said No to “Oprah”). Your confidentiality is more important to me than national attention. Although couples sharing their personal stories may help some people, it was not something that I felt was in their best interests. In my mind, an affair is not for titillating entertainment purposes.
My articles have been featured as part of the Parent University program of the Pasadena Independent School District along with the Chicago Sun-Times, Houston Chronicle, Livestrong, Chefs.com, Plaza Lima Sur Magazine, and Pasadena Citizen. I have also received requests to use my articles from Australia, Europe, and across the United States.
I meet with clients locally, nationally, and internationally via telephone and online communication.
My specialty areas are dealing with affairs and family/relationship issues. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor.
This combination provides me with a unique understanding of the addictive qualities of affairs and the frequent association of affairs with other addictive behaviors.
My wife, Peggy, and I have been married since 1985 and have been blessed with three incredible sons. This was the first and only marriage for both of us. During that time we have experienced the challenges and temptations and found ways of navigating through them.
-If you are interested in having me speak to your group, church, or at an event, please contact me for schedule availability. I will gladly address topics related to marriage, family life, raising children, and overcoming affairs.
