The slogan of safety first is not just for the workplace, it also has application for a marriage seeking recovery from infidelity. When the couple decides that they want to “survive and thrive” rather than assume the position of “avoid it and maybe it will go away”. Avoiding it and hoping it will go away does not work with termites and it will not work with affairs either. Ignoring both of them are detrimental to the structures that you spend much of your life in. Termites and affairs both destroy the stability and soundness of the things they target.
In surviving, it is important to establish safety. Both partners have to feel emotionally, physically and spiritually safe in order to work on overcoming the affair and its effects. In order to create such a safe atmosphere, it will be necessary to end the affair. It will also be necessary to remove those items associated with the affair, and eliminate behaviors that create physical, emotional or spiritual threats. Threats by their very nature are based in a form of deception, like the affair itself. If stability is to be established, the things that threaten stability must be removed.
If you find yourself wanting to recover from an affair, but don’t know where to start, begin by creating a safety. Safety can be created by removing any threats, speaking calmly, giving people space, avoiding demands, giving acceptance and understanding rather than demanding it. Giving and asking for respect. These are actions that will enhance safety in the marriage.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
