Yesterday I addressed the concern of a blogger whose relationships have been messed up by his spouse’s affair. In addressing the topic, I realized that this is a topic needing further attention. There’s more to it than ending affair recovery work prematurely as mentioned yesterday. Another major reason for this happening concerns wounding. Whether you acknowledge it or not, you’ve been wounded by what happened. It was a betrayal of trust and a breaking of promises. Whatever commitment your spouse made to you wasn’t honored.
They promised but didn’t deliver. Whenever people promise commitments to me then don’t deliver I feel disappointed and let down. The experiences leave me wondering whether I can believe anything else they tell me. At those times, I acknowledge my disappointment and sadness.
What I don’t like admitting is the anger that comes with it. It leaves me wanting to lash out at them for what they defaulted on. But what good would that do? It wouldn’t change the fact that they didn’t follow through on their promises. It’s important to acknowledge and process these feelings of disappointment, sadness, and anger in a healthy manner. Bottling them up will only lead to resentment and may even damage the relationship further. Communication is key in addressing these issues with your spouse.
When it’s your spouse who doesn’t follow through on commitments, the pain is even more intense, along with the anger. Even though you don’t want to admit to the intense anger, it’s still there. That’s one of the weird things about anger. It’s there whether we admit to it being there or not.
It’s part of the natural reaction of protecting yourself. You were hurt and now you want to hurt back. I’m not approving of hurting others, I’m just saying that the sensation is natural. In all likelihood, you controlled yourself and didn’t lash out. Although that’s a better choice, it still leaves issues undone. The anger, the hurt, the unforgiveness remain.
You’re going to carry those ugly things into any future relationship as long as you let them take up residence in your heart. In all likelihood, they’ve been living in your heart and head without paying rent for quite a while. In taking up living in your heart, they generate negative energies and feelings.
The negative feelings surrounding that are sensed by others. At times you may even attract other negative relationships. It’s a matter of ‘like attracting like’. Although magnets with the same pole repel each other, when it comes to negativity in humans, you to attract other negative people.
It’s good that you want a clean start in your life and relationships. Those intentions will only get you so far. Having a real clean start includes cleaning out the emotional garbage from the affair and the energy associated with it. Cleaning it out involves forgiveness and letting go. That forgiveness and letting go isn’t about approving what happened. It’s about you releasing the emotional garbage.
The longer it stays inside, the more bitter you become. The negativity you keep inside only serves to attract more negativity. Rather than continuing the cycle of negativity, do something about it now. Order the video “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the Walls and Remove the Roadblocks“, In the video, I guide you in releasing yourself from that emotional garbage.
The video is available for when you’re ready to make that change. Many people want to spend just a little bit longer holding onto their pain. They think that their pain gives them some control over their spouse. Holding onto your pain doesn’t give you control. If anything, it reduces your control over yourself and in turn your life and relationships. Isn’t it time that you quit letting other things and people control you?
Click and download the video today. Start claiming a new life with a new outlook.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
