When the advice columnist Amy Dickinson went on vacation, she posted a series of her responses to infidelity situations as part of her ‘best of’ collection. Many of the situations she addressed are heart if not gut wrenching.
(For those who don’t know, Amy Dickinson is an American columnist and radio personality).
One of her columns concerned a wife with a medical condition. While she was dealing with health issues her husband used the circumstances as play time regarding affairs.
It would be one thing if this was an isolated event or ‘just a good story’. The sad reality is that this situation happens.
While one spouse struggles with medical concerns, the other seizes the opportunity with the proclamation “I have needs” and indulges in infidelity.
They do have needs, yet so does their ailing spouse. At a time when she needs him and his support, its being shared elsewhere. His love is conditional.
It astounds me how so many spouses forget the ‘in sickness and in health‘ part of their marriage. They may exclaim ‘I never signed up for this!’, well, neither did their spouse.
Your marriage vows didn’t have an out clause, that says your spouse will bail on you when they can’t get their sexual healing due to your medical status.
Situations where one spouse suffers from a medical condition strains your marriage. It stretches both of you beyond your comfort zones. Being stretched doesn’t mean impossible.
Using the medical condition as an excuse for an affair doesn’t lessen its impact. The medical condition may be used as a crutch-like excuse, but it doesn’t make the affair right or excusable.
In many ways, it makes the situation sadder and more tragic.
Moving beyond such situations requires talking about uncomfortable issues. It also requires self-sacrifice from each spouse.
When you face such situations, do you even know where to begin?
In the downloadable Affair Recovery Workshop, I address the areas couples need to discuss in the aftermath of an affair. One of those areas is needs. Although the physical or emotional limitations change, there are still needs that aren’t impaired.
It also guides you in working together in finding solutions in overcoming the affair.
Rather than getting caught up in loops of misdirection and blame, the two of you can instead be focused on rebuilding your marriage and making changes in your expectations of each other. Knowing what to discuss is half the struggle. When faced with medical issues, you need fewer struggles rather than more.
Download your copy today and get your marriage pointed in the direction of healing.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
