When an affair ruins your marriage and your life, you likely have moments filled with anger and wanting revenge. These feelings are especially intense when the lover is still married while your marriage is dissolved.
These kinds of situations aren’t fair. You may even be asking yourself questions like “Why doesn’t she have some consequences as well?”
Cheryl found herself asking that same question. She was furious at the unfairness of the affair and how it left her.
What her spouse did was wrong. What the lover did was wrong. Although they both did her wrong, Cheryl realized that seeking revenge or paybacks for what happened wasn’t going to fix anything.
Her sense of justice prompted her to tell their spouse or do something that sabotaged her marriage. She wanted her husband to know what a slut his wife was.
Cheryl wanted revenge and justice. She wanted others to hurt how she was hurting. In a moment of clarity she realized inflicting pain on them would only give her a momentary sense of relief.
Acting as judge, jury and executioner puts her in the position of playing God. Although it gave her power, she didn’t feel comfortable in that role.
She realized that it’s not up to her to deliver justice to all the parties involved, even though she wanted to.
Like the affair itself, revenge for an affair is deceptive. The anger tells you that you’ll feel better if you hurt them. Your anger is tricking you into making bad choices.
Now that you’re alone, the anger is more intense. In the past, your spouse would’ve been there with you in working through such challenging times. Now that they’re gone, your brain is going haywire.
Your brain tells you things you know are extreme and out of line, yet you can’t make it stop those thoughts. You may even be staying so busy that you drown out the noise coming from your head.
You feel like you’re carrying all the pain from what happened. The cheaters don’t seem troubled by what happened. From where you’re at, it’s not fair.
During such times, one of the things that helps is forgiving them. as extreme as it sounds, it’ll give you some relief. It’s not that what they did was right. It’s about you no longer carrying unnecessary pain.
You need some relief and forgiveness is a proven way of obtaining it. I encourage you to download the video “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the Walls and Remove the Roadblocks”. In it, you’ll find techniques and methods for letting go of burdens that have been weighing you down.
Isn’t it time for you to stop carrying the heavy weight of the affair?
Are you tired of carrying all that on your shoulders?
You don’t have to keep going the way your going.
The irony of that burden is that once you forgive and let go of the pain, the burden then shifts to the cheater. This is one of those weird truths about relationships.
Like you, they may deny it at first, but rest assured, the burden shifts and they’ll start feeling that weight that’s been put on you.
Take the step to change that right now.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
