A couple of hours ago I returned from jury duty at the district court in my county. Although I wasn’t selected, I still reflect on what happened and what I can glean from it.
The case coming to trial posed some interesting questions even for jury selection. One of the items brought up was that the defendant had a history of sexual misconduct.
I don’t know what he did. The lawyers were saving that for the trial. What I do know is the reactions of the potential jurists surprised me. Some admitted that they viewed him as guilty, even before the trial and the exact events were revealed.
It seems that anytime sex enters the picture the idea of innocent until proven guilty doesn’t apply. When sex is involved, the public reacts with guilty until they prove themselves innocent.
The whole episode left me wondering if those potential jurists ever made bad sexual decisions in their lives. Their reactions suggests that sexual misconduct is in many of their minds ‘the unforgivable sin’. (In case your wondering, the Bible mentions one sin as being ‘unforgivable’, yet never clearly says what it is).
Many potential jurists expressed their desire for punishment instead of rehabilitation, since there were sexual matters involved. There was little to no mercy shown at all.
Part of me wondered if they were going to take him out behind the courthouse and stone him.
It left me with questions about whether you as a spouse ever forgive the cheater. Since cheating involves sexual misconduct there may be similar reactions.
You may firmly believe the cheater needs to be punished for what they did. You may believe there is no room for rehabilitation and making changes, like the potential jurists did.
If you are a punishment-minded spouse, the cheater will know it and it will shape their willingness to make changes. Cheating is a bad choice, yet making it the ‘unforgivable sin’ makes affair recovery unimaginable.
When there’s no hope, there’s nothing for the cheater to come back to. You lose any motivation for change.
There needs to be some hope if you ever want an opportunity for turning things around.
There needs to be hope before there can be forgiveness. Members of the Restored Lifestyle site have full access to the program on forgiveness as part of membership. That program guides them through the how-tos of forgiveness along with what it’s not.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
