It’s been a while since I’ve shared one of my top ten lists. I decided the focus would be on the top mistakes made during recovery from an affair.
If you did something on the list, resist the urge of beating yourself up or panicking. What matters is your flexibility in making changes. Your resiliency is the important thing.
Think of me as a coach like figure giving you pointers on improving your own performance. When you change your bad habits, you can make better use of your time and emotional energy.
Knowing what to change helps you avoid wasting precious time with your spouse.
Like getting lost. The key thing is finding your way back rather than beating yourself up over how you got lost or how much time you wasted while wandering around lost.
At those times, it also doesn’t help to blame someone for getting lost. What helps is coming up with a plan and direction for getting found.
Top ten mistakes in recovering from an affair.
- Withdrawing and isolating rather than facing the issues
- Torturing yourself and your spouse with ‘why’ questions
- Focusing on the past rather than the future
- Not having a relapse prevention plan
- Focusing on what kind of affair happened before you re-connect with your spouse
- Playing power games
- Ignoring your own trauma related to the affair
- Using threats in getting your way
- Interrupting your spouse anytime they say something you don’t agree with
- Holding onto resentments for too long
These are by no means the only mistakes made. I included mistakes that are either common or costly.
Many of the resources needed for correcting these mistakes are available for you at the membership site Restored Lifestyle. There you’ll find programs focused on affair relapse, improving your ability to talk with and confront each other, moving past affair trauma and more.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
